11-2-11 Despair

It is amazing how easy it is to get caught up in a routine that is not healthy or productive when one is homeless.

I have currently two major objectives in my life.  Keep my business alive and don’t get caught sleeping in my storage unit.  I also have other objectives that fall under the top tow, these are: get a job, stay healthy and sane, and use my time as wisely as possible.  And yet, I find myself wondering what the hell is going on.  I am so consumed at times with my time and how to use it up; I seem to forget other issues.

I latterly shook my head last night while I was at the cheap hotel wondering, “Why am I still in this position?”  Am I becoming like so many other homeless people that get so distraught that they give up?  I sincerely hope not.  But, as I keep dealing with this and not seeing any progress to reversing my situation, I am ever so slowly becoming disfranchised.

Here is an example:  Starbucks has launched a program to help get people back to work.  I even went out and donated to the cause.  As I investigate it further to see how my business my benefit from it, I immediately learned that for the next 3-6 months, I can’t.  Between the bankruptcy and the lack of sales, my company’s credit value is zero.  And yet, I need those funds, an investment, to turn that around.

Again, it goes back to the old saying, “If you have money, you can make money.”  Screw the hard work of myself and my authors & artist.  Screw the hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on building a business.  If you get caught up in a bad position such as I am, you are screwed even further!

Thus, I must keep thinking outside the box on creative ways to ring money in to pay bills, pay past debts, etc.

Ob a spiritual level, I understand that what energy I put out is what comes back.  It is so hard to remain positive e, hopeful and confident when you are slapped in the face on a regular basis.  This feeling of despair then enters my mind set of wither to keep the business alive.  Then I come back to the 100 or so people counting on me, plus the knowledge that what I am doing is RIGHT on a greater Universal aspect and this is NOT about ME!  If this is a classic fight of Good vs. Evil, I want to be on Good’s side and fight until I die.

Life goes on…I go on.