Friday, June 29, 2012

Help Me get a Grant


I need every bit of help I can get from you TODAY!

There is a contest for a $250,000 grant for small business and I am sure you know how much I could use that

Here is the info:
Help us qualify for a $250,000 grant from Chase and LivingSocial.

Help us receive 250 votes on the Mission: Small Business℠ page to get closer to qualifying for a $250,000 Grant. After clicking “Support” on the home page, look for our business "Creative House Press" and vote for us!

Please send this out to everyone you know and REALLY encourage them to vote for us.  This money would make a WORLD of diffence for all of the Authors and Artist.


Wednesday, June 27, 2012


It’s been over two months since my last posting and that is not good.  I really don’t want to post things that seem ‘everyday’ to me, but in reality, by me posting the latest of what is happening to me, it should help you, the reader, get a better understanding of what is going on with me and the world.  So let me catch you up in a series of postings:  Romance, Self Worth, Legal Issues and Life Lessons will bring you up to date.

Life goes on…I go on

Life Lessons:

Recently I was texting with someone I had met on line and have become text friends with.  This person is a good person, does many things for the community in which they live in, works hard and has many loved ones around them.  So when they told me they were depressed and felt useless, I asked why.  I got the answer and then I got mad!

I had not told this person previously of my situation as I didn’t feel it was necessary to do so.  But when I heard this, I let in on them.  I told them what was going on and reminded them of everything they had.  I also said, “How dare you feel that way!”  I was hard on this person, more so then maybe I needed to be, but I wanted them to know how good their life was.  What struggles they were going through was nothing compared to myself and too many others.

So, with my ‘holier then tho’ attitude I set this person right.  I then beat up on myself for doing so.  Let’s face it, I am not a perfect person, therefore I have no right to imply that or to make someone feel bad because they were feeling bad.  At the same time, I know based on our conversations since then, that it was a good move.  Now when they begin to feel bad, they can think of me and my situation and know that their life is not as bad as it seems.  That’s somewhat of an irony of our world.  Each person who thinks life is bad can simply look around and see that there are others worst off then them.  I know when I walk the streets of DT Austin, I see and smell people much worst then I am.  I am grateful for them to remind me of how good I have it.  While my heart goes out to them, I also know that they choose to be in their current situation.  Which then brings up the question I have addressed earlier on this blog:  Did I choose to be in this position?  Did I choose to get screwed over by big biz?  Did I choose to be so stubborn that I won’t let go of my business because I believe so strongly that it is the right thing to do?  There are many more questions I can ask myself and I do in my mind.  The real question is: How much longer will I choose to live like this?

Life goes on…I go on


Recently I had come down with a summer time cold.  I was out of it for just a few days, but they were horrible days for me.  I became so depressed that weeks later I am still in a slight depression.  I continue to work the business and do my best to keep it alive while helping others to live their dreams.  I love being able to do that and I KNOW that the messages I keep getting out through these books are good solid messages to help people heal, thus help the Universe move forward in a positive way.  That’s what I have seen my business to be about from day one.  Not about wealth to the point of being a Facebook or an Oil Company, but enough money to allow me to enjoy life and to help others.

During my depression I really contemplated shutting down the biz and I really got on my ass for being useless.  I am still having legal issues from the bankruptcy and my losses from last year that also keeps me depressed.  All I want is an attorney who is not money hungry, but who can see how I am and was screwed last year by these large companies and put a stop to it.  Get my money back so I can move forward.  Instead, the downward spiral continues and that is depressing as hell.

Even when I do my mantras of “I AM…” I still can’t seem to shake this hell I am feeling and living in.  Yeah, I know, my hell is a piece of cake compared to others.  I get that, I really do and that is one thing that keeps me motivated to keep moving forward and trying to get out of this hell. 

But, I am still dealing with my lack of self worth right now…and until I can REALLY break that, my depression will still linger.

Life goes on…I go on

Legal Issues:

I had mentioned that I am still dealing with legal issues over last year and they just don’t want to go away, even though they should have.  But here is the classic example of power.  Those who have money to spend on attorney’s win.  I can’t hire an attorney so I get screwed over by the courts and by these businesses that screwed me over in the first place by not providing quality product.  How many ways can you screw someone, let me keep counting the ways for you.

The latest issue is that I have an author who has been verbally assaulting, and has been trying to be this ‘Alpha Dog’ as he calls it by trying to control me and my business when it comes to his book.  Sorry, he’s not paying me to be an asshole!  He has failed to present me with a finished manuscript over the past 2 ½ years.  Each time he hands one in, he comes back later and says, “Changes need to be made.”  In addition, I agreed to pay for a proof reader for his book, which should have been a onetime deal.  Instead, I get a bill from the proof reader for three separate readings because this author continued to change things.  That put me further in debt and he doesn’t care.  He hasn’t cared from day one what the cost are in publishing his book no matter how many times I tell him of the additional cost.  His constant changing of the book has cost me to spend over $5,000 in cash, plus over $15,000 in labor for just one book. 

I finally laid the law down about no more changes and that the book was going to press.  Within days, I get a letter from him trying to cancel his contract and for me to turn over everything I have created for the book to him.  Excuse ME?  What the F…..?  Needless to say, I told him that was not going to happen.  His constant delays just made the contract continue beyond the original dates, which he had agreed to many times.  Furthermore, after investing so much money and time into this book, I am not planning on loosing income from it, especially if it is going to turn into a movie.  HELL NO!  But once again, because I am in my current situation and I don’t have money for an attorney, I am going to get screwed.

The rich get richer and the poor get poorer!

Life goes on…I go on


Ah, can there be such a thing as romance for a homeless person?  I mean really, what is it that I have to offer someone?  Yes, I know, love is not money or wealth.  Love is not physical beauty or strength.  Love is something that does not cost anything and can and should be given as freely as possible.  I get that.  But, here is the thing.  In order for me to ‘find’ my love or even to ‘fall’ in love with someone, you have to be able to go out into the public and do things; like a date!  That is still the crux for me, lack of funds to have my own apartment, let alone to go out on a date.

So while I continue to meet a lot of great people, I have gotten to the point of putting road blocks up on love and romance.  And that is NOT fair.  By shutting myself off, I am preventing love from coming freely to me. 

Therefore, while I try to get out and do things as inexpensively as possible, it is great to meet people.  To open up my horizons enough that maybe, the right person will come along.  And yet, there is that wall that I have up to avoid having to tell someone that I am homeless.

Life goes on…I go on