Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Romantic Frustration Continues

Over Easter weekend I was out and about helping some friends at a fundraiser.  During this time, I had the pleasure of meeting a person.  I really had not thought much of it simply because we were both busy doing our thing, but it was clear that we had an attraction to each other.  I gave them my business card and a kiss goodbye as I was leaving the bar and let the thought flow to the back of my mind as ‘that was nice.’

The following Monday I received a text from him.  I was surprised and pleased by the gesture.  We started to chat then and continued on to Thursday, when we decided to meet up for a brief time due to their schedule.  It was a fun brief few minutes.  There are a lot of things I like about the person and I could see myself wanting to learn more about them and to grow into something if it’s meant to be.  However, that nagging thought came back to me.  I’m homeless!

That single thought can truly ruin any hopes for romance of any type.  Do I bother to spend the time to get to know them and to develop something, or do I stop it in its tracks.  Sooner or later I will have to tell them and they will act in one of two ways…freak out and disappear as so many have done, or say it’s cool and remain friends, but nothing else.

I can’t blame them for not wanting to get involved with someone who is homeless. After all, it’s not saying much for who they are.  I mean really, how could someone end up homeless, right?  If you have been reading my blog you know how it happened.  And that’s what the real aspect is, it happened and I am homeless.

What is frustrating for me is that I feel I have to cut myself off from friends and possibly romantic interest because of my situation.  When people don’t know what is going on with me, they are pleasant and kind, acting as if I am a normal person.  Don’t get me wrong, there are a hand full of people who are being supportive and I AM Grateful for them.  It does keep my hopes for human kindness alive.  But, there are those who do act differently because I am in my situation.  I get it, I understand.

Thus, the continuing dilemma: Do I say something now and let it end?  Do I keep going without saying anything in the hopes of something developing, which could then fall apart when they do find out?  Do I act normal as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening?  I do my best to be myself as much as I can and I hope they enjoy me for who I am.  In time we will see what happens.

Life goes on…I go on

Another Homeless Person Bites the Dust

I was sitting in my storage unit working away on my business when property manager walked up to say hi.  He has done this from time to time and we have had congeal conversations at times, nothing major, just friendly talks. 

He started this conversation just as friendly as usual and then casually went into the fact that he had to kick someone out today because they were living in their storage unit.  As the conversation progressed, it was clear that someone had called the City building inspectors to complain about the two women that were in the unit.  He had his suspicions, but was really sure and really was not going to push the issue.  None the less, the city came out and they opened the unit and saw that a bed roll had been laid out, and signs of sleeping were evident.  He had no choice but to put them out on the street.

During the entire conversation I was doing my best to act surprised about the situation and at the same time, non-chalet about it.  While in the back of my mind, I was freaking out.  I don’t know if they pissed someone off and that’s why someone called them or what happened.  But it happened, which means it could happen to me just as easily.  The people around me have seen me in my unit working on my pc and so far nothing else.  But what will it take, someone getting pissed at me for any reason at all and calling the place to rat on me?  An accident on my part?  What? 

Things have to change for me!  I need my own place, or to rent a place, but that takes money, money that I don’t have.  Again, every penny goes into my business to keep it going.  While things look to be improving, it’s not good enough yet to get me back to where I was. 

The frustration continues.

Life goes on…I go on.