Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Reflections of the Past Year and my Future


It's Christmas day, a perfect day to sit here and update my blog. It's been seven months since I made an entry. After all there was really no reason to. Life continues to move forward and that in it self is a great thing. I am still working my contract job, and recently got a raise. Though it's not enough income to get me into an apartment, the job has helped me to improve my life and move me forward to the time when I can finally get out of my storage unit.

I continue to pay off debits and make my car payments, insurance and other bills. Though I don't have enough to pay for health insurance as mandated in the Health Care Act. But, that's ok. I removed myself from the food stamp program as I really wanted to release a negative item that I felt only kept me pinned down, restricted in my income situation. While I can't cook a meal in my unit, I am still able to focus on eating properly, and to that fact, I've gained 25 lbs of fat...not what I had anticipated happening, but I do love my sweet foods.

While I sit here writing this, I am reminded that this is the season for Children. They get to have time with family and to receive gifts. For those older and wiser people, we recognize that Christmas is a time of birth, not just that of the Christian Jesus, but of our selves and of the world. Many celebrate this period by celebrating Winter Solstice, or by celebrating New Years. It really doesn't matter what the celebration is, but to truly recognize that it is a time that you can review the past, and celebrate the future.

When I was in my late 20's, I went to a person who was doing a Past Life Regression. A session where you can go back in life, or past lives to hopefully see why you are in this world at this time. In this case, we had done the past very briefly, but most of the time ended up being on a future event: My Death.

That experience that I saw for myself, with no guidance or direction from the person there with me, has lasted with me all these years. And now, I am a year away from that time period that I believe I will die...murdered to be exact. I will not go into the details of what I saw, for one simple may not happen. It may not even be a physical death at all, but a death of the past...letting go of what has kept me bound to certain parts and acts in my life. To that extent, is why I am brining it up in this blog.

What I saw over 30 years ago may or may not happen. But because I held onto that thought, that possibility, I know I did and did not do things because of that. I allowed a vision to control my life. Thus, as of today, I allowed something that happened in the past to make me who I am today. Maybe that was intended, maybe not. But the fear of dying was prevalent in my life ever since.

The one thing I have learned during my life time is that you NEVER know when you will die. My mother was run over by a bus. Too many friends have died of AIDS or Cancer. I myself was in a car accident that took another's life. We just don't know when we will die, nor should we. We should instead focus on the moment that life is presenting us.

Has I have written many times, I did not expect to be homeless, nor to be homeless now for over two years. But I am. I had to deal with the frustration and the anger associated with what brought me to that point. But I also had to recognize that I was blessed at the same time. To this day, I see many people worst off then I am. I see my life continuously improving, and at the same time, I am able to help others improve their lives too through my non profit organizations. I AM BLESSED! I am also blessed that I can continue to be optimistic of my future, even if it's a day more, or twenty years more. I am blessed that I can live each day that I have working and enjoying what I can do. Sure, I contemplate that I could be doing so much more if things were different. Instead, I work towards making things different and not just for myself.

On my birthday last month, I was having a really rough week, one of the worst weeks all year it seemed. But that ended up being my best week of the year. A gift from a friend had turned everything around for me that week, and reminded me of how blessed I am. It was an unexpected and greatly appreciated gift that brought me to tears, even now as I write this I tear up. I can not express enough to him what it meant, but I believe he knows it.

So, for me to languish in the self pity of where I am, that being homeless. I can instead celebrate the blessings I have and to continue to move forward not just for myself, but for everyone who's life I touch. I can not allow a vision to determine my future, or to create fear. I must constantly remind myself that I am part of a larger piece, a part of a Universal plan. A plan, that as far as I am concerned is to help improve the lives of all involved.

Time will tell, and until then...may you also be reminded of your blessings and don't let the past rule your life. Live in the moment!

Life goes on...I go on.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Already 18 Months...ugh

I was talking with a person over the weekend, we've known each other for a good two months now.  Slowly we have become friends, and both understand their is a desire for more to happen in our relationship, but it's going slow and that's good.

Has I have written before, I don't normally tell someone that I am homeless, after all, it's still something I am not happy about...who would be?

While we were talking about a variety of things, including spiritual understanding and growth, I brought up my homelessness as part of a point of how we sub consciously choose to do things, even when we know they may not be good for this case, me still being homeless. 

The admission caught the person ever so briefly which was nice to see.  But what caught me off guard was the fact that I realized it's been 18 months already of being homeless.  Hell, I didn't think I would last more then a month, and here it is 18 months later. 

In addition, while I still refuse to call my storage unit home, it is in many ways just that.  Even when a friend recently offered me to stay at their place with a lot of conditions, I felt that I should just stay put.  I have a routine, I have my belongings, I have a place that is mine.  With that admission, I can see why it is hard for people to move out of their 'comfort' zone at times.  Granted, my option was limited and short term, so not a major change, but it also brings me to a better understanding of others and of myself.

The good thing is that life still continues to improve.  I still have a contract job that is helping me pay my old and new bills.  I now have a car with payments, gas and insurance requirements being meet.  I have additional items that help me live better and a happier life.  So while I am still homeless, I continue to move forward and in time, I pray real soon, I will no longer be homeless.  Until then...

Life goes on...I go on

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Homeless man NOT so Homeless

Jeffrey Hillman, 2012 (© Robert Caplin/The New York Times/Redux)

Barefoot homeless guy apparently has apartment, 30 pairs of shoes

1 hr ago
Jeffrey Hillman, better known as "the guy in that viral photo that a cop gave all those shoes and socks to," was recently profiled by the New York Post counting a stack of bills on the way back from "work" in Times Square. The Rev. John Graf, who says he pays Hillman's utility bills, admits that Hillman has 30 pairs of shoes in his Bronx apartment and has been "working the streets … for years," reportedly making up to $1,000 a day. NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly offers the most levelheaded take on this news: "That's life in New York. ... But it was a generous act of kindness." He's right: Let's focus on the good in people, not the bad.

I read the above article and was immediately pissed at the fact that this so called homeless man is not homeless.  He has an apartment in NYC?  I'm sorry, but as a homeless man sleeping in a storage unit, where does he get off duping people?  But he's not alone!  Even here in Austin, TX, there are a lot of people who take advantage of the kindness of strangers to bring in a few hundred dollars a day, and maintain a place to live.

Thus the question is: Why should I be pissed at someone who is working the system for their benefit? 

The answer is not easy to explain.  I guess I am tired of the people who scam the system to make money.  I get that we are a culture now of easy money, hell we have been that way since the 80's at least.  Work as little as possible and make as much as possible at the same time.  We see this in so many ways; politicians, movie stars, athletes, reality TV stars, etc. 

I tend to believe that if you work hard, you will succeed.  But, I have to be honest, it's getting harder to believe that's true.  Is it?

I would love comments on this.  Is working hard and being rewarded fairly a thing of the past?

Life goes on...I go on?

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Yen/Yang of Life

Things are slowly improving in my life and I very happy with what is happening.  I have bought an SUV, it’s older and not great on gas, but it’s something that I can work with on payments, ins., etc.  Thus, it’s mine and it adds hours to my day, and more fun to my life…lol

Now with that being said, I have experienced the third break in to the storage unit property in four months.  The break-in’s in of them self are not bad, they don’t get to my unit, which is always good.  But the fact that I am the one calling 911 is a bit nerve racking.  Sooner or later, the property management is going to finally click that I am living there, and they will have to through me out.  While things are improving, the money is increasing, and the opportunity to move into a better housing situation is getting closer, I’m just not there yet.  Thus, I can’t afford to loose what I have at the moment.

Recently, I had a discussion with a spiritual teacher that indicated that they would always want to life in joy and happiness, more then fear and anger, which on the outset is great.  But in the discussion, I was saying that I just wanted to live in balance.  Thus, not giving too much energy to one or the other, but to acknowledge each of them for what they were and to just be.

This concept I was discussing is based on my small amount of knowledge of Buddhism, living a life of balance.  Now, while I deal with the break-in, which can be negative, I also deal with getting a vehicle, which can be positive.  So it’s the yen/yang of our world…good and negative always finding a balance between the two of them.  That’s where I want to be.  Not going up and down on a rollercoaster, but feeling the middle road of life.  Being at peace as each item comes along and I deal with it as needed, but not giving into the high or lows…the rollercoaster of life.

Is that wrong?

Life goes on…I go on

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Mr. Reed Misses the Point - He's Just a Bully

Recently an uproar has been made about an actress being overweight. While I don't agree with the tactics of Mr. Reed attacking the actress publicly, one does wonder what message is being sent by the actress to the millions of children and adults who are struggling with being overweight.

I struggle with that issue constantly myself, though my weight is 175 lbs and am 6' tall, I am actually slender, but I love my sweets and junk food just like everyone else, and it is those items that pack on the most fat weight.

There is no telling what an overweight persons struggle is, if they have one at all. We have heard of certain deficiencys in a body’s metabolism that may cause easy weight gain, and what may make lossing the weight harder if not impossible. We have heard that it may be caused by stress, or lack of ones self worth. In many cases, it is just that we have become addicted to fattening foods for various reasons. No matter what the reason is, it's for that person to deal with. If they choose to get help, it's available for them. If they are happy with how they look, then it should be OK for them to be that way, and they should be willing to take on full responsibility for any illness it may cause at their expense.

I do know one thing that I can attest too, and that is how large companies have created fattening foods and have managed to get the federal government to approve them for their SNAP (food stamp) program, when they should not be. At the same time, shame on the government for not giving enough money to people so they can afford to purchase healthy foods.

Here is a perfect example: During my homelessness, I have been able to arrange to get food stamps to help me eat. That's $200 per month for a single person. That means, if I want to eat enough food to 'fill' me up, I can only spend about $6.00 per day on junk food. Not healthy food, but junk food, the food that makes me gain weight and destroys my body's health. Can you imagine eating enough food for a whole day on just $6.00? You really can't. That's why my food stamps usually only last 20 days at best, and that's me staying at $10.00 per day.

I can't even buy vitamins that would help keep my body healthy as it's not a 'food' item. Yet, you can buy soda's, snack candy, chips and so much other unhealthy food with the food stamps.

This maneuvering of the big corporations to suck more money out of the government is a sham in no uncertain terms. By forcing low income families to buy unhealthy food, they then force them to need medical treatment more, which means more money out of the federal governments pocket...YOUR POCKET!

Healthy foods need to be the only thing available to purchase on food stamps, and the government needs to keep pace with rising food costs. The last increase on food stamps was over four years ago, and prices have increased over 30% since then. Thus, less money to buy food, forces people to buy less healthy food, which means more medical bills, which means more taxes.

But sadly, as with everything else going on in this world, the American public will allow this to continue saying it's not their problem. Or even better yet, like Mr. Reed, they will publicly humiliate someone saying a variety of mean things to try and shame that person or persons, while not really understanding what the problem is, but only to make themselves feel like they are helping address a problem, when all they are doing is being a 'bully' and to be real honest, chicken shit by not addressing the real issues at hand.

Life goes on...I go on

Friday, January 25, 2013

I have a Job!


As of today, I am going to be working for a company as a contract employee.  It's not much, just $9.00 pr hr for 20 hrs a week, but it's something and I am happy for it.

This job came about from a friend of mine that I had developed since July of last year.  Slowly this person and I became friends, and while he was aware of my situation, I never asked him for help, for I can't do that, and I had no clue if he could do anything for me.  But, when something came up in his company, he thought of me.

Even the issue of my felony from years ago, may be an issue at this time, he has faith that we will be able to over come it. 

So between the extension of work with Starbucks through the end of February, and this new contract job, I am feeling pretty damn good that things are improving for me.  Now, if I can get my Consulting company moving forward, along with the non profits that I had created, I should be moving forward in a positive way.  In no time, I may actually be moving into an apartment...YEAH!!!

Life goes on...I go on

Friday, January 18, 2013

Try....Even if you get Burned?

Recently a song came out from the artist known as Pink.  I love most of what she has sung over the past few years.  This particular song seems to sum up my attitude towards life.  Now keep in mind that her song is about love, while I am applying it to general life, for to me it does seem to apply.  The chorus goes like this:

Where there is desire there is going to be a flame
Where there is a flame, someone is bound to get burned
Just because it burns, doesn't mean your gonna die
You got to get up and try, and try, and try
You got to get up and try, and try, and try

It is so true!

Let's face it; life can be a Bitch at times.  Yes, you may loose love, you may loose a loved one, you may loose so much in life.  God knows I have.  But that doesn't mean I can't keep trying to do what my desire is.

Ok, over the past year I have lost my business, a home, and so much more.  Yet, even with all my bitching on this blog, I really do hope you see someone who continues to fight, even in a loosing battle. Someone who gets back up and try again.  After all, why should I sit and mope about things more then I do.  I get it out of my system, do my little tantrum and then get back into LIFE!

Even during this past year, I have meet so many interesting people.  I still have helped a variety of Authors get their books published.  Artist have been given a chance to do what they love doing.  Hell, I've even given a couple of attorneys a chance at acting like fools. 

Bottom line is this:  No matter what your desire is, as long as it is for good, then go for it!  Don't let the Nye Sayers keep you down.  Don't let fear keep you from touching the flame of fame, happiness or the light.  Get out there, set your self up for success and believe in achieving your desire.

Add light to the world in a positive way and you will be a better person for it.  Even if you don't achieve what your desire is, you will have been on a road that made you a better person.  If and only if, you realize the lessons you learned along the way and share your desire in a positive loving way.

Life goes on...I go on...And I want YOU to dream BIG!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Vacation Time

Recently I submitted a nominee to Ellen DeGeneres TV show...a Vacation to Australia as part of her show. The nominee was me. While there is no doubt I could and would love a vacation of any type that is paid for, I have to admit that it feels strange in so doing. Yes, I've had a rough two years. Yes, I've lost a lot. But, I know I'm not alone, so why should I nominate myself? Do I deserve to win? Did I suffer worst then someone else? NO!
When I walk into a soup kitchen, or down a street in some areas, I see people who are in worst shape then I am. Has I work on reorganizing my business, I know that I am blessed in many respects to be able to even do a business. When I go to bed and sleep in my storage unit, I am reminded every night that I am not out in the freezing cold, or crime ridden streets, I have a place to sleep. I have some form of money coming in to help keep me moving forward. So many people don't have it as good as I do.
Yes, I would love a vacation, even to a country that's on my 'want to visit' list. Yes, it would be great to sleep in a hotel bed, or eat a normal meal. Yes, it would be GREAT! But it's not necessary compared to getting into my own place, to be earning an income on a regular basis. Yes, I would love to have an experience that is uniquely Australia, but having a normal life would be even better.
So when Ellen's team chooses someone to win that trip, I sincerely hope that person really deserves it compared to me, or anyone one else who is suffering or going through a rough time. Don't let me down Ellen!
Life goes on...I go on.

To Old to Work? NOT!

I have commented on this before that I have felt the discrimination against me because of my age. It's true, most employers don't want to hire someone of age because they think that 1) they have to pay more and 2) that they bring too much baggage to the job.

Baggage, while I would say experience. But employer's consider the fact of trying to educate an older person to 'their' ways is to expensive and too much of a hassle. Much easier to train a young person who may not have 'baggage' and who they clearly can pay less.
So this does bring an interesting opportunity for us older workers. What do we do to survive. Many of us can use our experiences to create a new business, or we can choose to launch a new career in a totally different field. Many of us are doing just that, as I am with my consulting business.
Sadly at the same time, many older workers are also finding them selves forced to go back to work in order to survive the economic situation they had not expected to happen. Hopefully, they too are able to create new adventures in life that benefits their lives in many ways.
Thus, while our current economy and our lack of respect from the business world has forced many of us to be creative, it has at the same time, helped the economy by us creating new businesses and opportunities for those who are younger. So while many think of us too old to be of value, you may want to re-think your ideas and be glad for our experiences and our desire to continue to be a valued part of the world.
Life goes on...I go on

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Moving On in the New Year

As of today, January 3, 2013 I filled bankruptcy for my company with over $308,000.00 claimed to over 100 people and businesses around the globe. That does not include my personal bankruptcy of $100,000 that I did in 2011. All of this due to the finale nail in the coffin delivered by Lightning Source/Ingrim for their immoral acts. However, with that said, now I can move forward by still helping people get their books published through my consulting businesses, but also work on other projects that I also hope will help move the Universe in a more positive direction.

The focus for this year is of course finding a valid source of income that allows for me to get an apartment, or a room to rent in a house. I am over this cold ass storage unit...and I am more then ready to live a life that I am entitled to, and deserve to live. Not saying filthy rich, just a life that is more abundant and allows me to enjoy simple pleasures of life.

As the New Year moves forward, I want to be able to grow in prosperity and help others do the same. A simple request, desire and an act that we all deserve.

Life goes on...I go on