Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Wishing you a Wonderful New Year

 2012 is now upon us and depending on who you listen to, 2012 will be our last year of existence as we know it.   The Mayan’s whose calendar system has been the most accurate in history simply says that on December 21, 2012 their calendar cycle ends and a new one begins.  I am leaning towards that line of thought.
Each New Years day begins a year full of opportunity and hope and this one is no different.  We are going through many changes and challenges as seen in 2011.  Do your best to keep fear at bay so you can enjoy all the wonders this New Year will offer you, even when it seems to be your darkest hour.  Allow your hope, faith and love to guide you this year through your journey.
While you may not know where your journey is taking you, know that there is a purpose for the journey and know without a doubt you will be a better person for it.
May you and your loved ones all have a Wonderful Life in 2012.

3 Month's of Homelessness

I am past the three month mark on becoming homeless and it’s been an interesting time for me on many levels.  Overall, I good learning experience and one full of information that I can use in my writings when I finally get a chance to write again.  I’ve meet many interesting people along the way, homeless and not homeless that have taught me a few things as well.
Today, I meet a fellow storage unit renter who lost her home in the Bastrop fires last September.  What she has left is in three storage units here and she is working hard to reduce it down to two units to help save money.  Most of what she has was given to her after the fire through donations; she has very little left of personal items.  I know her feeling of lost as I have been there once before.
The only concern I have is that she ‘believes’ that I am living in my storage unit and she does know that I run the extension cord out my door.  She too wants to do the same so that she can use her PC and try to get her life back on track.  I’m concerned that she will say something or be careless about using the electricity during business hours, the time that I make a point not to.  I just don’t want any additional reason or suspicion to come down on me and my use of the unit.  Right now, I just can’t lose the use of it.  I also can’t deny her the use of what I am using for she too needs it to some extent, though she has a motel room that she is calling home for now that FEMA is paying for.  I wish I had that…lol
All I can do is sit back and watch what happens, and trust that it will all work out for both of us.
Life goes on…I go on

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Eyeglasses & Judgement

Recently I was able to get my new eyeglasses and what a challenge that was.  I first had to go through the medical department for a full exam before they would qualify me for the eyewear.  Once qualified, I then had to go through the eye doctor for a prescription, which is always good to do.  Prescriptions should be done at least once a year, especially for my age group.  Up to this point, everything went smooth and pleasant.
Once I had my new prescription, I went to a retailer that was on the approved list for accepting the coupon for glasses.  It was here that things became a bit more troublesome.  The coupon was good for $65.00 worth of eyewear.  Thus, very cheap glasses were all I could get.  Anything over ten dollars I would have to pay for, ok, that sounds fair.  However, it was the additional charges that they didn’t tell you about.  For example, the fact I had to have bifocals added $5.00, and then add in the type of prescription I had was another $10.  If I wanted a warranty, no line bifocals, plastic thinner lenses, etc., it kept adding up.  By the time they were done with all the extras, the glasses would have cost me the same as if I was paying for them myself, over $300.  What was the point of the coupon?
But that was only part of the issue.  It was how I was treated that really bothered me.  I get the fact everyone wants to make money, so the extra charges and hidden fees I understood, though I did not like them.  It was the change in attitude that I got when I showed them my coupon.  From being nice and friendly to cold and rude in the flash of an eyelid.  I was amazed by this clear act of judgment and dislike towards me because I needed some financial help with my eyewear.  It was clear that I did not look, act or smell homeless, so their nice person treatment at first was understandable.  I was a customer that was acting like I wanted to spend money.  But once that coupon was shown, I was no longer that customer but some weird thing.
Now before I go any further, I have said before that I am no saint.  I have made quick judgments on my fellow homeless people now and before I was homeless, it’s a natural state we all go through.  Until I understand why they are homeless, I pull out of my mind a thousand thoughts from past experience.  Maybe that was the case with this one sales person, maybe not.  Regardless, the fact remained that someone, even if it was not me, was paying the bill for some eyewear from her store.  A customer should be treated with respect until they give you a reason not to be and even then it’s best to treat them with respect until they have left your business or space.
I left that day defeated for not getting my glasses. I didn’t have the money to pay for any extras at all.  I choose to come back to the store another day when I would hopefully have the money.  Thankfully, my dad sent me some Christmas money that covered a couple of basics that were necessary to have.  I got my new pair of glasses that were sold to me by a different sales lady who was much more helpful and friendly to me then the first.  A total, I spent $54 on a pair of glasses, while the total bill was over $110.  I’m happy to have a new pair of eyewear, especially since my last pair was over 6 years old.  It’s nice to see things more clearly now.
Life goes on…I go on.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

12-8-11 Homeless Update

During the past few weeks I have been arranging for some medical aid. Has a homeless person and one with no personal income, I qualify for a local program that gives me access to very basic medical services, and I do mean very basic services.
Once I received appro9val, I then attempted to schedule my first doctor’s appointment.  This exam would do the basic review of your current and past medical history and would put you into the system so that it would be easier to get dental and eye care services as well.
When I called a couple of locations close to me, I was advised that there would be no appointment scheduled until late March, April or maybe even May and this was at the end of November when I called.  Three to five months of waiting for an exam, no telling how long I would have to wait for treatment.  I didn’t make any appo99ntments at the time as I was completely disgusted at the situation.  Where were our tax dollars going to?  The answer is simple, other patients.  The system is simply maxed out and barely working as it is due to the increasing amount of homelessness, new people added to the poverty levels and more and more people who simply cannot afford any medical insurance at all.  The greed of corporations and of doctors continues to push medical service out of reach for the average American, screw the poor.
After I waited a couple of days, I made another call to a different location and was shocked by the fact that they had an opening in just a few days.  I took it without hesitation!
When I arrived at this location, I was surprised at how clean and new it was and at how empty the waiting room was as well.  I found out it was one of the newer locations to have opened up, thus not many people knew about it yet.  A blessing for me.
The staff was friendly and very competent which an extra benefit to me was. My exam was uneventful so far.  Good health as expected, minus the sinus issues.  Because of this exam, I was able to get my voucher for an eye exam and glasses, which I defiantly needed.  My glasses are over six years old and my contacts are expired.  I need new eye wear!  It will not be what I want or what I am use to, but it will be good solid vision and that’s what is important.  I have an appointment scheduled soon, so hopefully within a week I will have my new glasses.
What should be noted is that the system is broke. I was lucky to get an appointment as early as I had.  The frustration I felt on trying to get an appointment is what everyone feels who is homeless and because of this, they give up.  A few will go to an emergency room knowing that they will get treated one way or another.  Thus the country hospital emergency rooms become over loaded and congested, which then creates more issues for those true emergencies that come in.
It’s the large number of peop0le who give up on trying to get medical care and suffer with their condition until it goes away, or they die from it.  While they suffer with it, they may also be spreading the disease or illness that they have which also adds to the medical overload.  Those that die from their illness because they didn’t get medical care is the true shame of what is happening, they are dyeing when they shouldn’t be.
What I have written is nothing new.  It’s been going on for 20 plus years and most likely even longer than that.  It is for you as a reader of this that may not fully understand as it is not happening to you; it’s happening to the writer, therefore there is little to no connection to you.  It’s just words on a computer.
What angers me the most is how our political leaders continue to ignore what’s going on.  Based on their actions and lack of actions our country is in a complete mess financially.  With our current election cycle, we will hear a lot of lip service to please us, but after the elections are over, I seriously doubt anything will be done to correct it.  The continued bickering between the two parties creates more and more antagonism that creates more road blacks then it does compromise.  What will it take to get them to remember who they work for; the American people, not their party.
Will millions of Americans have to die in one year for them to get their act together?  I pray to God that is not the case.
But it is clear, something has to change and fast.  Being homeless is the equivalent of a death sentence and even worst then that.  At least on death row you have shelter and three meals a day.  Being homeless you are lucky for shelter and one meal a day.  You are almost certainly guaranteed a slow agonizing death.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

12-1-11 Update


Ok, I've got to vent, so bare with me.

This morning I was checking my emails and saw an email from one of my authors who did something they had absolutely NO right to do.  They were not trying to help me, only themselves and now it has cost ME to loose up to $2,500.  What the F....!!!!

First off, why couldn't this person be patient and allow for the process to run its course?  Why couldn't this person contact me first before they did what he did?  Finally, he had brought the issue up to me and I told him I would take care of it, which I was and which there was much more to what was going on then he was aware of, so why didn't he just back off and let me take care of it?

I get that we want our books to do well, but at what cost?  This stunt has set me back again and I'm so tired of it.  He's the 4th author who thinks they know how to run my business with absolute no respect for what I am doing.  I'm over it.  I advised him that he had until December 10th to buy out his contract and I advised him how much it would cost, which was a very low price for what it would cost him in court for this screw up of his.

I want to be VERY clear here, I am not homeless by choice!  I want to live in a house or an apt that is mine, that I can enjoy the comforts that my authors are currently enjoying.  I ended up being homeless because I believe in my business and in my authors works enough to put myself on the back burner to help make sure that their books get sold.  Not because I enjoy sleeping in a storage unit or on a park bench!

When this type of crap happens, it doesn't just effect me, it effects every other author that works with me and it's not fair to them or to myself!  Yes, if you haven't gathered by now I am SUPPER PISSED!  It's shit like this that added to me loosing $100,000 and I will NOT put up with it anymore.

With that said...

Life goes on...I go on.

Monday, November 28, 2011

11-28-11 Homeless Update

One of my fears that I deal with pretty much on a daily basis at my storage unit is being found out.  The last thing I need is to be discovered that I am living in it.  On Sunday, I had that feeling of anxiety heightened way too high.  As I was working away on my pc doing business items, a person arrived and went to their storage unit.  It was directly across from mine, and my electrical cord was sticking out and plugged into the storage units box.  I was hoping they would be quick to get into their unit and go home, but that was not the case.  They actually had two units, and they were both near mine.  I sat there as quietly as I could waiting for them to leave, but after a good half hour of being on pins and needles, I finally gave in and got ready to leave for my earn that I had planned that afternoon, way too early to do it, but better than sitting there nervous.

I have no clue if one of these unit renters is going to say something to the staff one day; I pray they don’t, but that fear is ever so present these days.  I try as hard as I can to be there after the staff leaves, which sometimes I am surprised to arrive well after I think they should have left only to find them still there. 

The Holidays sales for our books resulted in NO books being sold this past weekend.  It hurts me to see that for I not only receive some money from the sale, but the author’s also don’t receive money and we ALL need the money.  I’m not sure what I can do considering I don’t have the money to advertise the company or the individual books.  I have scheduled a fund raiser book sale at a local bar for a local charity, but I honestly don’t know how that will work out.

In the mean time, I still have manuscripts coming in to me by people who wish to get published, and while I want to continue to move forward, I honestly just don’t know if I should take on any more authors at this time.  It’s that negative feeling that keeps working its way into my mind and I get so frustrated with it, but I just don’t see a clear way to getting out of my current situation and to move the company safely forward.

It was great to see that Holidays sales in general were way above expectations across America, but I am also concerned at how the sales will finish out.  I believe so many people thought they were getting great deals on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, that when the dust settles down in early January, they will see that the Holiday sales were not what they expected.  Again, it’s that negative side of my brain popping up…HELP!

Life goes on…I go on

Sunday, November 27, 2011

11-27-11 Homeless Update

Howdy, the current Thanksgiving Holiday is over and things continue as normal as they can.  I enjoyed having Thanksgiving at a local bar with a few houndred people and treated myself to a movie during the day.  A simple and relaxing day.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful as well.  I hope everyone elses was pleasant and enjoyable.  Now it's time to gear up for a healthy, positive Holiday season.

Life goes on...I go on.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

11-23-11 Homeless Update

I turned 51 on Sunday and it was one of my toughest birthdays that I had to experience in a very long time.
I have a very small group of friends who really don’t know when my birthday is and I do prefer it that way.  It’s just another day to me as is Christmas.  A day of celebration that should be celebrated daily and not just on one day.
And yet, for some reason, this birthday seemed to hit me the hardest and I have not completely figured out why.  Maybe it is the fact that I am homeless, or the feeling of failure in how my business is currently situated, or just the fact that I am now over 50.
I’m sure that I will figure it out over time.  Until then, the Holiday season is here and I do intended to enjoy it.
On Tuesday, I joined thousands of others to celebrate Thanksgiving at the annual HEB Fest of Giving.  It was a traditional Thanksgiving dinner and it was enjoyable for what it was.  Live music and other activities also made it festive.  For myself and other homeless people, it was a pleasant event.  For the other thousands who choose to attend for they felt that as a customer of HEB that it was owed to them, they also enjoyed it.
As for Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, I have actually turned down a couple of invitations to dinner so that I may attend a ‘bar dinner’ and bring some treats to go with the evening.  This is something I have been doing for a long time now.  This is one of the aspects of being a homosexual that I do support; other gays and lesbians joining together to enjoy a Holiday because their family and society has kicked them to the curb.  This tradition of a ‘bar dinner’ has gone back for 30 years that I know of and I am sure many more than that.  Too many from the LeTs Bi Gay community are stilled turned away from their family and thus they create a new family that includes people like themselves.  After all, you may be born into a family of people you don’t like, but you are always free to create a family of people you do enjoy.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and may you enjoy your family no matter whom’s a part of it.
Life goes on…I go on.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Vote them Out!


For Immediate Release

B. Alan Bourgeois
(512) 550-4582

National Call to “Vote them Out!”

Austin, TX – Once again, the political rhetoric that divides our country continues to delay our economic recovery while allowing for corporations and the wealthy 1% to continue to profit from the misery that most Americans are currently suffering.

While our voices may be muted by politicians who are afraid of what we stand for, we are defiant in our cause and our current objective to Vote Them Out!

This national campaign is geared towards every Senator and House of Representative that is up for re-election in 2012.  Their failure to work together for the common ground of every American clearly illustrates that they have chosen not to represent the people who elected them to office, they must go.

A loud and clear voice will be heard on Election Day by those who remain in elected office that the American people are tired of business as usual.

Americans for Common Ground is a national political action grouped formed out of the Occupy movement.  They are a non-partisan organization based in Austin, Texas.

# # #
Additional contact information:
Email:                                               Blog:

Saturday, November 19, 2011

11-19-11 Homeless Update

Howdy, it's been a busy week but productive and that is always good.  We are in full swing of the Holiday season for the business, and sales are slowly picking up...Thank you!

Last Monday, Nov. 14, I was interviewed for the UT School of Journalism by a Mr. Erick Weiss.  We had previously talked before about Occupy Austin, but this time around it was about me being homeless.  You can see the short story at:, it starts about 2 min 30 sec into the show.  I sincerely hope this helps in some way to bring awareness to the fact that there are thousands of people if not millions, like myself going through this, and we shouldn't have to.  Things must change for the betterment of all of us, not just for a select few!

Life goes on...I go on

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

11-15-11 Homeless Update

About three weeks ago, I was at Occupy Austin and was interviewed by Texas Newswatch a University of Texas news program.  They used the interview for their Nov 3rd episode.
From that interview, the reporter pitched a story idea to his boss about the extremes people will go through to save their business.  I was thus interviewed again by the reporter in more detail yesterday (Monday 11-14-11).
There were two objectives to me doing the interview.  First and foremost, the hardship of what people are having to go through today due to our econ9omic turmoil.  We should not be in this position at all, but our politicians seem to think otherwise.
The second and clearly the most remote objective were to get some free advertising for the business.  Let’s face it, if sales come in and at a good healthy pace, I could in theory get an apartment once again.  And that is a major goal for me; keeping the business alive and getting off the streets to a ‘normal’ life.
It will be interesting to see what happens from this interview.  I could be discovered living in my storage unit and thus be thrown out, or I could begin to see sales that benefit ALL of my authors and artist as well as myself.
As always time will tell and I will post a link to the show after it airs.
In the mean time, I continue to get support from some of my authors through text messages and emails. While at the same time a few of them are doing their best to jump ship as they fear the worst for their work.
I appreciate the kind words and encouragement as I go through this endeavor, especially as I deal with the negative energy that is coming from a small few.
Life goes on…I go on.

11-15-11 Occupy

Over the past three days, various Occupy groups have been forced with political and police pressure to be shut down and closed.  The police of course are just following directions from the politicians who were elected by the people.  Sorry, but that’s a bunch of crap.
We all know that big business contr9olls politics, from the smallest political seat of county judge to the Presidency.  So these politicians are following the orders of their donors and not of the people.  While I have no doubt that there are a percentage of people who want to see the Occupy movement shut down, it is not the majority of people.  In fact there is not a majority of people in favor of the Occupy movement and that I put the blame squarely on the heads of the movement.
As with each positive and negative incident related to the Occupy movement, they fail to respond, especially on the positive aspects such as the 4 plus billion dollars transferred out of the big banks over the past month.  Therefore, the continued lack of and decreasing support for the movement is no one’s fault but occupy.
While I agree with Mayor Bloomberg that the Occupy tent cities have become a health hazard, I do not agree with his actions.  Nor do I agree with occupy’s continued lack of pro-active measures to avoid what is currently happening.
The Occupy movement needs to step up and create a higherarchy that is com0pletely inclusive and creates a working cooperative group that allows for self policing, cleaning/sanitation and improvements to the areas in which they occupy.  In other words, take away all negative arguments that the politicians are using to shut the tent cities down.
I realize that there will always be negative issues that arise from such an event, but by having a proactive group established, their ability to deal with the negative aspects quickly will cut down the negative press.
A case in point:  On Saturday, I had agreed to meet a reporter for a follow up interview about my homelessness. While I waited for him at the Austin Occupy location, I witnessed a very heated argument between those who consider themselves die hard Occupiers and those they saw as free loaders.
This argument which leads to verbal assaults, tears and way too much screaming carried on for 20 minutes.  Because their 2was no hierarchy established, anyone and everyone was allowed to yell and scream their thoughts.  If a group had been established, they could have addressed the issue before it became a yelling match.  Instead, the 20 minutes of verbal exchange resulted in nothing being changed or accomplished, except that the amount of anger towards each party increased more than it needed to.
While there are many in the occupy movement that feel any form of government should not exist, the reality is, there must be something or total anarchy will exist.  To change government you must do two things; work from within and from the outside of the establishment.  Clearly Occupy’s continued “occupying” is not enough to make the change.  Thus the need fo4r a political extension of the movement needs to exist.
The value and concept of the Occupy movement must NOT die.  But it does have to grow and grow much faster then it currently is.

Monday, November 14, 2011

11-14-11 #6 Causes to my Homelessness

I have over the past month listed 5 causes that brought me to my current situation of homelessness.  I would like to now venture out a bit on a 6 cause that may be considered a bit out there in the wild for most people and that final cause is Spirit.
I have been a student of Spirit and Spirituality for over 30 years and to be honest not always a very good student at understanding it or practicing my beliefs.
While I can understand the concept of balance as outlined through Buddhist practice I also understand the concept of “Life,” being caught up in the moment.
While trying to practice peace and tranquility by being centered and balanced, it is just that, practice.  When we are living in the human form, we deal with a variety of things on so many levels it can be overwhelming.  It is then very easy to forget what you are trying to achieve (peace) and allow emotions (ego) to get the better of you.
To be honest, that’s why we are here to begin with.  To experience life so that we may grow from it and hopefully find that balance, that centered peace that we can and will achieve; nirvana, heaven and pure love.
So with that in mind, knowing that we are spiritual beings that are part of god/Universe, we can then create things in our life that help us to achieve that ultimate goal.
In my case, while I have great belief in what my company is about and trying to achieve, I may have on a spiritual level set out to create my current situation.  This sub conscious act also means that the ends to my madness is there waiting to happen, however, I must first go through whatever it is I have created in order to learn what I must.  In addition to that, I also know that we work with each other on a spiritual basis to make sure that all the players are there doing their part to help one learn their lesson, while they learn their own.  Thus, even though this may seem to be ‘my’ issue, I may have also agreed to be part of a larger aspect that has not completely come to my attention yet.  That is, not until I get out of myself and stay focused on the ‘bigger’ picture.
So, even though I have pointed out 5 main causes that together have brought me to this point of homelessness, there may in fact be that 6 reason; my subconscious spirit wanting me to learn something so that I may become a greater person, or to help the Universe become greater through my actions related to my current situation. 
As I said, it may be too far out there for many people and that’s ok.  For those who read this and understand it, I hope they too may learn from my experience.
Life goes on…I go on.

11-14-11 #5 Cause of my Homelessness

So far, I have posted 4 causes to why I am homeless, each not being a single item that caused it, but together; they have brought me to this point.  Here is cause #5 and the one that to me is the greatest reason and cause to my current situation.
Lack of respect and care for the product that certain companies put out is becoming a major issue in America.  The first is UniBooks out of Georgia, which is owned by a foreign company; Pellman Industries.
UniBook was my main source for hard cove r bound books. A t first when I began to use them in late 2009, if a book arrived to us incorrectly, they were good about redoing it and sending it back to us done correct.  What any company should do.  However, something happened over a course of a year and their customer service and quality control went out the window.  Ti was also at the worst possible time for us as we were at the height of book releases for the 2010 Holiday season.
UniBooks began to send us books that were literally falling apart, or printed backwards.  After going back and forth for several months, I was left hold the bag, as they say.  I had to refund c lose to 100 orders for books that I could not send out due to the poor quality I was receiving from UniBooks.  This not only caused me to lose existing sales, but new sales as well. A long with finance charges from my credit card processor and NSF fees from my bank.  They cost me to lose over $15,000 cash and a minimum of $25,000 in sales and without a doubt, upwards to $100,000 in future sales.
The next company was Baker & Taylor, a book distribution company that also seemed to have a problem its production and customer service.  The losses from them were under $10,000.
Finally, Ginny’s printing in Austin, TX.  My losses to their inability to print good and proper colored books cost me so far $45,000 plus the loss of one author.
These three companies alone are responsible for ¾ of my total bankruptcy debit.  All of which I have more than enough legal grounds to sue and collect on if I had the funds to sue them.  But, sadly as I have posted before, when you don’t have the money to pay for an attorney, you get screwed.  Thus, I have suffered great harm as have my authors and artist have by these companies and by the greed and selfishness of attorney’s.  The rich get richer and the poorer get poorer.

Life goes on…I go on.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

11-11-11 Homeless Update

This posting is going to highlight some updates on what it’s like to be homeless, of course from my perspective.
The weather has definitely changed to the Fall/Winter aspect.  Last night was one of the coldest nights so far reaching in the mid 20’s, with freeze warnings in most areas.  I was lucky enough not to be out in the cold.  The storage unit did get cold as I did wake up a couple of times shivering, but it was still warmer then outside and I am grateful for that.
A few days ago, my body was out of whack which put me in a very uncomfortable situation.  While I was in my storage unit, I had to relieve myself, otherwise known as taking a crap.  I could not get dressed and go somewhere as at that time of night there was nowhere to go.  I had been so careful to utilize places as best as I could to avoid this situation, but for that particular night, Mother Nature was not going to wait.
Trying so desperately to win mind over body, I really tried to post pond the action needed, that was not to be.  I found myself grabbing a plastic shopping bag, opening it as wide as I could, squatted over it and prayed that what came out would be hard versus supper soft (diarrhea).  Luckily, it was hard and it did fall into the bag.
My facial expressions clearly showed that I was not a happy camper about this.  Which as I think of camping; taking a crap in the wilderness you can simply find a spot, squat, cover it up and be on your way.   For those softies, they may have even brought some form of toilet paper with them.  That’s not the same when you are in a storage unit.  The fear of it not going into the bag and having to clean it up is bad enough.  The fear of it being diarrhea is also bad. Along with the aspect of cleaning your ass!  Thankfully, I did have some noise tissue around, so that helped a lot.  The aspect of doing it and then stuck with it for hours before being able to dispose of it is worst.  What if it had truly stunk?  I’d be forced to smell it for hours.  God forbid someone walks by the storage unit and smells it?  I’m in an inside unit, so the smell would spread throughout the building.  I’d be found out real quick and that would really be bad for me.
Luckily my shit didn’t stink this time.  I tied off the bag as best I could then set it by the door to remove it the next morning.  The next issue was where to dispose of it.  Thankfully, I walk along a street where buses run.  A few garbage cans are at the bus stops.  Hopefully they will pick up the trash before the sun bakes it and runs people off from the bus stop due to the smell.  I am grateful to not have smelled anything when I walked by that stop later in the day or the next.  I know the city workers are use to diapers being disposed of in these cans, so I don’t feel too bad about where I disposed of it.
This event though reminds me that I’m in better shape than most homeless people, but boy do I miss the use of a home bathroom for this and other reasons.
Life goes on…I go on.

11-10-11 - Negative Energy

Has I have been dealing with the financial downfall of this year, I have constantly fought with the negative energy that exist.  Most of the time I am able to overcome it with hard work and determination.  However, since becoming homeless I find the struggle to be even harder each day.  In fact, I feel my positive thoughts have dwindled to half of what they had been a month ago.
I believe that a lot of this is related to three items.  #1 – not having access to my PC and the internet as I had when I had a home.  I worked out of my house, so my line of communication was always open to my authors and artist.  I was able to work quickly and efficiently on projects and do marketing on social networks as needed.  That is not the case now.  I am limited to a maximum of 2 hours on a library PC with increments of no more than 1 hour each.  Thus, when I do get on a PC, I don’t have a lot of time to do what is needed.  I tend to miss things, which is not always good.
#2 – the lack of business growth and sales.  The continued stagnation of the bad economy keeps my business at a virtual standstill, which means zilch, nada, no sales.  This at the beginning of the Holiday sales season is not good.  I have books that need to be sold and no money to help promote them.  A vicious cycle that continues to keep me in the hole of negativity.
#3 – People that I am surrounded by are not always positive.  Homeless people in general are so exhausted and torn down by what brought them to their point of homelessness that they give up on life in general.  I understand that and see myself heading in that direction.  Thus the reason for this posting.
I DO NOT want to be one of those angry, negative people who bitch about everything and ultimately become one of those men who have lost their minds and walk the streets talking to themselves who have reached the point of no return.
It is clear that for myself, I must stay positive in all aspects of my life.  I have posted before on here about the value of staying positive and drawing positive energy to one self.  It’s not always easy.  You do have to live life and that means dealing with negative thoughts and energies.  In some cases, such as my current one, the people I am forced to be around are constantly and almost helplessly in a state of negativity.
Yesterday afternoon, I went to get some medical assistance, while waiting in line, a young lady who had been chatting with the other people in line turned to me and asked, “Are you homeless?”  I said yes with no hesitation.  She quickly responded with, “You don’t look homeless.”  I simply said, “That’s my goal.  To not look like I am homeless.”  The young lady gave me a look of confusion and then turned away as she said, “I want to look homeless, ‘cause I am.”
That response of hers was full of negative energy.  She believed that she had to look like she was homeless.  And at the same time, the tone she used indicated that she felt I was being too good or uppity about my experience.
It comes down to being true to yourself.  You may be homeless physically, but spiritually you are not.  You may be physically in a prison of drugs or alcohol, or even of cement and brinks, but spiritually you are not.
So has I deal with the constant borage of negative energy, I have chosen to say a mantra, a prayer, or a simple “Thank you,” for what good is in my life.  To be honest, I probably don’t say it enough.  Thus, I write here and now that I AM THANKFUL for EVERYTHING in my life.  I am grateful for the opportunity to grow, even when I don’t show it!!
Life goes on…I go on.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

11-9-11 Causes of My Homelessness #4

Before I go into this subject matter, I MUST be very clear that the people I am indirectly referring to in this posting probably would not be reading this post.  In addition, since this is a very small amount of people that I am referring to, it in NO way reflects on the many people that work with me and my business.  I have worked extremely hard with my authors and artist to build a relationship that I pray that it is long lasting and I sincerely hope becomes profitable for all of them on their individual projects and as owners of Creative House Press.  Now with that being said, I must outline the fourth of five reasons why I am currently homeless.
The human Ego is a very treacherous thing that pushes us to become the best at many things on many levels.  But, it is that Ego that has lead us to become so self absorbed and to only think of ourselves.
I work with a variety of people from a wide range of backgrounds, sexuality, creativeness, etc.  Each one has a dream to create something and then to share it with the world.  It is my job to take that item and to help create it in a form that can be shared with others.  I work with a variety of people to help create that item.  The most important aspect is that I work with the artist or author to create their work.  It is that working relationship that sets me apart from traditional publishing houses, especially since I don’t charge for that service.  I know how critical it is for them to be a part of the journey.  So when I work with an author or an artist that begins o dictate to me every little detail of the project, regardless of what I know will or will not work, I find it a bit frustrating.  When I remind them that they are not paying me, usually they get the message and re-group how they are approaching the project.
What really gets me is when you are working on a project and the author or artist does not give their input or ideas, not because they don’t have any to give, but because they don’t want to spend the time or energy to create the perfect book.  Instead, they lead you along making you think everything is perfect when it is not.  They don’t promote their book and in fact will talk bad about it, but fail to advise the publisher of what’s wrong.  They don’t have the time or energy.  Ok, I’m confused.  You have the time and energy to talk bad about your book, but not the time or energy to let the publisher know there are issues.  How can the publisher fix anything if they are unaware of any issues.  In fact, the author or artist approved the book, so why would there be issues.  This happened with two books which caused me to lose thousands of dollars in sales.  The only way I found out about there being issues was when I confronted the author or artist about the lack of promotion.  Then the truth came out, but by then the damage was done to the book and to my company.
The other aspect I love is when an author or artist is extremely late in delivering their book.  Then once delivered, makes changes after it’s gone to press, not once, but several times.  These constant changing costs a lot of money to re-set and re-load the book to the printers and to the eBook system.  In addition, the delays cut into a sales period or cause it to be delayed by months or years.  When projections are made for sales and expenditures based on a book being available, it creates chaos and financial disaster when that book is delayed.  This too has happened to me on a few occasions which caused me to lose thousands in sales.
Finally, as I briefly mentioned earlier, there is that one or two authors who Ego’s are so huge that they choose to ignore you and do as they please with absolutely no regard as to what it may cost the publisher.  This too has cost me to lose sales income.
Between the three items mentioned above, I have determined that I lost over $50,000 in sales and $15,000 in cash.  For my small business, that’s huge.  It is large enough of a lost that I seriously have to determine a way to recover that, either through a law suit, or personal arrangements with the author or artist.  As you can guess, personal settlement is not happening, thus leaving me to file a law suit.  Lucky for them, I’m so broke; I can’t afford to hire a lawyer.  So the rich get richer and the poorer get poorer.
Life goes on…I go on.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

11-8-11 Occupy

Last night I attended another General Assembly meeting here in Austin. The attendance is smaller, but the commitment is just as strong.  While at the meeting, I once again saw the lack of movement and direction hurt the organization.  Case in point; No Spokesperson representing the group.
I understand that by having one or two people officially represent the group, they can be targeted by the police and the haters.  But by not having one or two spokespeople, the group misses out on delivering a clearer message of what the movement is about.  At the same time, Occupy misses out on the opportunity to communicate with the city personal and the press in a very clear way.
While there are a number of issues that Occupy wants to address, there is no reason that a spokesperson from that committee cannot exist and even rotate from with the committee.  Even a spokesperson to represent the group as a whole can and should exist.  Even they could do short terms by rotating with others to avoid the issues of “Who’s in charge.”
It is the fact of not having anyone person speaks for the group that is hurting it now.  I had posted about the fact of the press not properly giving credit for the bank transfers and last night I saw how the city and police were using the press against Occupy Austin.  If there was a spokesperson, they could have immediately responded to these issues and have them corrected.  But that will not happen unless Occupy itself begins to use its own failures of not presenting a unified front.
Select people who want and can communicate and that do represent the variety of the group.  Allow them to take on certain issues to represent, or represent the overall core concept and let them rotate as spokespersons.  But to not to this the group as a whole will be making its own coffin.  The negative press or lack of good press will destroy the movement.
Life goes on…I go on.

11-8-11 Causes of my Homelessness

In my earlier postings I mentioned that there were five main issues that brought me to this point in my life.  So far, I have discussed Politics, Criminal Record and the inability to find a job.  Now it’s time for to get a little personal.
I am not a very patient person on a lot of levels and this has clearly caused me to push many things along.  That in of itself can be good and bad.
The good aspect is that I keep things moving along through deadlines, goal setting, etc.  When I set those deadlines, I do expect them to be met and I therefore plan accordingly for sales revenue or expenditures to be reached.  At first, I didn’t have much space in my deadlines for things to happen and that cost me dearly on many levels.  I have since eased back a bit and built in extra time for emergency or failures to deliver.
The bad side of being impatient is pushing things along a bit too fast and too hard.  While things do get done, I have actually wasted money by not going slower and in some cases double checked the work, wither mine or someone else’s.
On the issue of being impatient, I have grown tremendously.  I do plan for things to happen down the road, but I allow for more time to make it happen.  It does not always save me from losing money, as this Holiday season has already proven.  But, I at least have not lost as much money as I would have, if I had pushed through it.  It should be noted that the lost of money for Holiday 2011 rest squarely on the fact of not having the funds to do the project completely.
Here is another issue that can be both positive and negative that has contributed to my current situation.  My lack of concern as to what people think of me.  For the positive aspect, I tell people what I think good or bad.  I DO NOT sugar coat it, or dress it up.  It is blunt.  While, blunt, I am of a loving nature, so I don’t always say things out o hatred or anger, though I have been pushed to that point by a small number of people.  So while I am blunt, I don’t believe that I am rude and crude.  With that said, this again can go both ways.
On the positive side, people know what to expect from me and that will be blunt honesty.  And while that may be shocking to them, they do appreciate it.
For the negative aspect, there are a lot of people whose feelings are too raw and they cannot handle the bluntness, the honesty of what I say. They do need to have it sugar coated.  I apologies to them, but I am not your therapist and I don’t have time to waste trying to figure out who can and cannot handle me.  Furthermore, I am not going to waste your time and mine by dancing around the subject.  Your time is as valuable as mine, why waste it?
I have no doubt people will have a lot of other comments to say about me, I really don’t care.  I’ve learned the hard way, you will always have the “Haters” and their thoughts are usually self-absorbed concepts full of BS.  This is why I don’t care what people think of me.
Now, I will be clear here that I am not a saint and I have harmed people, some intentionally, most by accident.  I have just as equally contributed to my situation as the other four aspects have.  No one single attribute carry’s all the weight and responsibility for my homelessness.  But, it is also clear, that altering and improving one or two would clearly address, if not correct my situation.  Time will tell if that happens.
Life goes on…I go on.

Monday, November 7, 2011

11-7-11 Occupy

On Saturday, Nov. 5th, the Occupy Movement along with a young lady created the National Fire Your Bank Day.  I went to the march to show my support but was shocked by the low attendance.  I had expected to see much more especially considering the large press coverage that the movement was getting.  I could not stay, as the homeless event I needed to attend was also scheduled at the same time.  I see this, as the beginning of the end for the movement if things do not continue to change.
To that aspect, I continue to meet and talk with a variety of people, who like myself, feel that the Occupy movement must change and grow.  Their time and power is getting smaller and smaller as demonstrated by the lack of participants and by the fact that the national press is giving more credit to two individuals then to the movement.
It should be noted that based on the couple of national news stations I had watched over the weekend, $4.5 billion dollars has been moved out of the top banks over the past month.  A 164% increase in membership to Credit Unions was seen in the month of October as well.  This huge increase in membership is more than Credit Unions do for a whole year.  This is not because of one or two individuals, but because of a huge movement!   It is this lack of press coverage that is also killing the movement.  Occupy needs to jump on that issue and make it clear, that everyone involved, including those two young women, and the movement made this happen.  Banks are aware of the movement, but it seems Occupy is not.
So, on Election Day Nov 8th, I hope to be able to encourage some type of political action to begin here in Austin, and I hope other cities take charge and begin to form their own political wings as well.  Occupy cannot fail now, and cannot lose the momentum that had started.  Anger has Occupied the movement and must now move in a healthy direction.

11-7-11 Update

11-7-11 Updates

The weekend was very quiet for the most part, which is always good.
I attended an event for the homeless to see about resources available to me.  There were medical services for me to check out and also services for going back to school, which I had thought would be nice.  Though, to be honest, not sure I would have the time to do so, and since it has been so very long since I had been in any school, not sure how well that will work out.  Ok, yes, those are negatives that I have created, and yes, if I set my mind to it, I know I can do it.  The key for me is still keeping my business alive.  While I am beginning to see some of my authors abandon me and their projects, there are still many more that want me to succeed as much as they want to.  For them, if nothing else, I keep moving forward.
The event for the homeless was well attended and they did have other services available for them; clothing, haircuts, legal aid and of course food.  All of which I feel that most of them did appreciate.  The one thing I did notice from the various conversations I heard, was that at this year’s event was not as big as last years.  Apparently some other services where not there.  No doubt due to the cut back in funds and donations that so many non-profits are experiencing this year.
I was grateful for what little I did receive and enjoyed.  I’m sure many others were as well.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

11-3-11 Positive Thoughts

Yesterday afternoon I was treated to lunch by a friend of mine.  We have met for lunch about every other month for the past year and half.  On most occasions we inspire each other with positive thoughts and discussions.  It was clear that both of us needed to have a good positive conversation yesterday.
Both of us are feeling the weight of the economic crises and our seeming inability to get about it for the past few months.
As we talked about our various projects, issues and love life, we also correlated how the world is staying just as stuck as we are.  Everyone is bombarded by negative talk and news.  It was clear that as it was for us, it was just as important, if not more important to have and do positive things to offset the negative energy.
This concept is nothing new to the Universe.  On a spiritual level it has been taught and demonstrated many times over.  And yet, we seem to continue to struggle with finding that balance that we all so desperately need and want.
By the end of lunch, which as usual lasted three hours, we both had agreed to do a project or two that would get a positive message out to the world about the new cycle of life that the Mayan’s predicted with the end of their calendar.  Actually, the Mayan’s predicted the end of their calendar which too many humans predict is the end of the world as we know it.
Many people are also on the same thought process as my friend and I are that it is not the end of the world, but the end of a way of life that clearly does not serve the best interest of mankind; mainly Greed and Self Absorption.  Thus, we will work on projects that we can create quickly and professionally to get out to as many people as we possibly can; namely books.
There are thousands of people also working on this project, for my friend and I know that the Universe puts out a message for the world, for everyone to hear, and only so many people do actually hear it and do something with it.  This can be in the form of gadgets, stories, movies, etc.  Thus why you see people from around the world working on a similar idea at the same time, and they never spoke to another person about it.  It is the same with this idea, the world needs to know that the old ways must stop and a new way of life must begin, after all, if the old way was working, we wouldn’t been in the mess that we are now, or the fact that we have been in this mess a thousand times before.
Wither the Mayan’s have it right that the world ends, or a new cycle begins, it is clear that all the doom and gloom that does exist, must be offset with positive messages.  It is our hope that we can offer ideas and concepts that show just that.  Is this why the two of us and so many others are going through this time of crisis?  Time will tell.  Stay tune and see what happens in the near future.
Life goes on…I go on.

11-3-11 Quite Your Bank Day

I have posted before about eh Occupy movements national day for switching your bank on Nov. 5th.  Here is a poster that you can save and print out to pass out to your friends.  This is a national event, as it also needs to be worldwide.  Big banks cannot continue to treat us as they do and they only way to them to stop is to lose a great deal of money.  And no, it will not cause them to go bankrupt, and their statements of having to fire and layoff it’s employees is set off by the fact that the Credit Unions and smaller banks will hire those people.  Bottom line, they know what can happen and they are scarred that American’s will wake up and actually teach them a lesson.
Life goes on…I go on

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

National Bank Transfer Day - Nov. 5, 2011
As you know, B of A backed off from the $5.00 debit card charge they had planned on implementing.  This is due in cause by the young lady who started the petition and by the Occupy movement.  The Occupy movement has been pushing people to take their money out of large banks to show them that they DO NOT control things.  In Austin, I am aware of about $200,000 moved out of B of A and Chase banks.  That's a great start and it needs to go further.  The Banks need to understand that even though they are a business, they are there to work with US not against us, and not to steal from us.
I hope you will help support this movement.  Below is some additional information to help you with your decision.
Here is web contact for site: . Will tell you everything you need to know about how to Fire Your Bank and Hire A Credit Union with multiple links to helpful other information.
Life goes on...I go on.

11-2-11 Create Jobs for the USA

On Nov. 1st, Starbucks launched its program to help get Americans back to work.  I had posted about it, but forgot to add a link and a pic of my solidarity for the program.  Thus, here is the link to learn more about the program:
Here is a pic of myself wearing the bracelet.
Life goes on…I go on.

11-2-11 Despair

It is amazing how easy it is to get caught up in a routine that is not healthy or productive when one is homeless.
I have currently two major objectives in my life.  Keep my business alive and don’t get caught sleeping in my storage unit.  I also have other objectives that fall under the top tow, these are: get a job, stay healthy and sane, and use my time as wisely as possible.  And yet, I find myself wondering what the hell is going on.  I am so consumed at times with my time and how to use it up; I seem to forget other issues.
I latterly shook my head last night while I was at the cheap hotel wondering, “Why am I still in this position?”  Am I becoming like so many other homeless people that get so distraught that they give up?  I sincerely hope not.  But, as I keep dealing with this and not seeing any progress to reversing my situation, I am ever so slowly becoming disfranchised.
Here is an example:  Starbucks has launched a program to help get people back to work.  I even went out and donated to the cause.  As I investigate it further to see how my business my benefit from it, I immediately learned that for the next 3-6 months, I can’t.  Between the bankruptcy and the lack of sales, my company’s credit value is zero.  And yet, I need those funds, an investment, to turn that around.
Again, it goes back to the old saying, “If you have money, you can make money.”  Screw the hard work of myself and my authors & artist.  Screw the hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on building a business.  If you get caught up in a bad position such as I am, you are screwed even further!
Thus, I must keep thinking outside the box on creative ways to ring money in to pay bills, pay past debts, etc.
Ob a spiritual level, I understand that what energy I put out is what comes back.  It is so hard to remain positive e, hopeful and confident when you are slapped in the face on a regular basis.  This feeling of despair then enters my mind set of wither to keep the business alive.  Then I come back to the 100 or so people counting on me, plus the knowledge that what I am doing is RIGHT on a greater Universal aspect and this is NOT about ME!  If this is a classic fight of Good vs. Evil, I want to be on Good’s side and fight until I die.
Life goes on…I go on.