Saturday, November 12, 2011

11-10-11 - Negative Energy

Has I have been dealing with the financial downfall of this year, I have constantly fought with the negative energy that exist.  Most of the time I am able to overcome it with hard work and determination.  However, since becoming homeless I find the struggle to be even harder each day.  In fact, I feel my positive thoughts have dwindled to half of what they had been a month ago.
I believe that a lot of this is related to three items.  #1 – not having access to my PC and the internet as I had when I had a home.  I worked out of my house, so my line of communication was always open to my authors and artist.  I was able to work quickly and efficiently on projects and do marketing on social networks as needed.  That is not the case now.  I am limited to a maximum of 2 hours on a library PC with increments of no more than 1 hour each.  Thus, when I do get on a PC, I don’t have a lot of time to do what is needed.  I tend to miss things, which is not always good.
#2 – the lack of business growth and sales.  The continued stagnation of the bad economy keeps my business at a virtual standstill, which means zilch, nada, no sales.  This at the beginning of the Holiday sales season is not good.  I have books that need to be sold and no money to help promote them.  A vicious cycle that continues to keep me in the hole of negativity.
#3 – People that I am surrounded by are not always positive.  Homeless people in general are so exhausted and torn down by what brought them to their point of homelessness that they give up on life in general.  I understand that and see myself heading in that direction.  Thus the reason for this posting.
I DO NOT want to be one of those angry, negative people who bitch about everything and ultimately become one of those men who have lost their minds and walk the streets talking to themselves who have reached the point of no return.
It is clear that for myself, I must stay positive in all aspects of my life.  I have posted before on here about the value of staying positive and drawing positive energy to one self.  It’s not always easy.  You do have to live life and that means dealing with negative thoughts and energies.  In some cases, such as my current one, the people I am forced to be around are constantly and almost helplessly in a state of negativity.
Yesterday afternoon, I went to get some medical assistance, while waiting in line, a young lady who had been chatting with the other people in line turned to me and asked, “Are you homeless?”  I said yes with no hesitation.  She quickly responded with, “You don’t look homeless.”  I simply said, “That’s my goal.  To not look like I am homeless.”  The young lady gave me a look of confusion and then turned away as she said, “I want to look homeless, ‘cause I am.”
That response of hers was full of negative energy.  She believed that she had to look like she was homeless.  And at the same time, the tone she used indicated that she felt I was being too good or uppity about my experience.
It comes down to being true to yourself.  You may be homeless physically, but spiritually you are not.  You may be physically in a prison of drugs or alcohol, or even of cement and brinks, but spiritually you are not.
So has I deal with the constant borage of negative energy, I have chosen to say a mantra, a prayer, or a simple “Thank you,” for what good is in my life.  To be honest, I probably don’t say it enough.  Thus, I write here and now that I AM THANKFUL for EVERYTHING in my life.  I am grateful for the opportunity to grow, even when I don’t show it!!
Life goes on…I go on.

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