Romantic Frustration Continues

Over Easter weekend I was out and about helping some friends at a fundraiser.  During this time, I had the pleasure of meeting a person.  I really had not thought much of it simply because we were both busy doing our thing, but it was clear that we had an attraction to each other.  I gave them my business card and a kiss goodbye as I was leaving the bar and let the thought flow to the back of my mind as ‘that was nice.’

The following Monday I received a text from him.  I was surprised and pleased by the gesture.  We started to chat then and continued on to Thursday, when we decided to meet up for a brief time due to their schedule.  It was a fun brief few minutes.  There are a lot of things I like about the person and I could see myself wanting to learn more about them and to grow into something if it’s meant to be.  However, that nagging thought came back to me.  I’m homeless!

That single thought can truly ruin any hopes for romance of any type.  Do I bother to spend the time to get to know them and to develop something, or do I stop it in its tracks.  Sooner or later I will have to tell them and they will act in one of two ways…freak out and disappear as so many have done, or say it’s cool and remain friends, but nothing else.

I can’t blame them for not wanting to get involved with someone who is homeless. After all, it’s not saying much for who they are.  I mean really, how could someone end up homeless, right?  If you have been reading my blog you know how it happened.  And that’s what the real aspect is, it happened and I am homeless.

What is frustrating for me is that I feel I have to cut myself off from friends and possibly romantic interest because of my situation.  When people don’t know what is going on with me, they are pleasant and kind, acting as if I am a normal person.  Don’t get me wrong, there are a hand full of people who are being supportive and I AM Grateful for them.  It does keep my hopes for human kindness alive.  But, there are those who do act differently because I am in my situation.  I get it, I understand.

Thus, the continuing dilemma: Do I say something now and let it end?  Do I keep going without saying anything in the hopes of something developing, which could then fall apart when they do find out?  Do I act normal as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening?  I do my best to be myself as much as I can and I hope they enjoy me for who I am.  In time we will see what happens.

Life goes on…I go on

Another Homeless Person Bites the Dust

I was sitting in my storage unit working away on my business when property manager walked up to say hi.  He has done this from time to time and we have had congeal conversations at times, nothing major, just friendly talks. 

He started this conversation just as friendly as usual and then casually went into the fact that he had to kick someone out today because they were living in their storage unit.  As the conversation progressed, it was clear that someone had called the City building inspectors to complain about the two women that were in the unit.  He had his suspicions, but was really sure and really was not going to push the issue.  None the less, the city came out and they opened the unit and saw that a bed roll had been laid out, and signs of sleeping were evident.  He had no choice but to put them out on the street.

During the entire conversation I was doing my best to act surprised about the situation and at the same time, non-chalet about it.  While in the back of my mind, I was freaking out.  I don’t know if they pissed someone off and that’s why someone called them or what happened.  But it happened, which means it could happen to me just as easily.  The people around me have seen me in my unit working on my pc and so far nothing else.  But what will it take, someone getting pissed at me for any reason at all and calling the place to rat on me?  An accident on my part?  What? 

Things have to change for me!  I need my own place, or to rent a place, but that takes money, money that I don’t have.  Again, every penny goes into my business to keep it going.  While things look to be improving, it’s not good enough yet to get me back to where I was. 

The frustration continues.

Life goes on…I go on.

Greed and Injustice

Ok, I am going to be very upfront and blunt here...this message is a pure vent!  Thus, it may not make a lot of sense, but I have to express my thoughts.

I left court about an hour ago and I am pissed that the court was so disrespectful towards me and my company.  I had submitted a request for a continuance so that I could raise the money to hire an attorney to represent me and the judge totally ignored it saying that I was not on the lawsuit, regardless of the fact that I am the major owner of the company and that I signed the promissory note for Ginny's Printing.

It was clear that the judge just didn't give a shit!  He was siding with companies left and right during the hearings with no regard for the individuals that were before him.  I don't know his political affiliation, but I have no doubt based on his actions he was a Republican, and I would go as far as to say that the attorney's that were before him, including the one representing Ginny's Printing have donated to his campaign fund.  Conflict of interest?

Well, with a judgement against my company, I am now forced to figure out if I will close my business down in order to project the interest of everyone involved with my company.   But instead, I need to see how I can save my company, and save the vested interest of every person who works with me.

It was clear that I am not an attorney, and the fact the judge would not allow me an opportunity to have time to raise money to hire an attorney is pure Bull Shit!  Ginny's is already waiting for money they will not see, so what is another 3 or 6 months wait?  Why couldn't the judge allow me the additional time to save my company?  To save my last and only income that I have left? 

Once again, the rich get richer and the poorer get poorer....

Life goes on...I MUST GO ON!

Law Suites = Greed

Last year when faced with a variety of financial losses and pending law suites, I felt it was best for myself and for my company if I filled bankruptcy.  In so doing, I listed just about every debit I could find and remember, from personal to business.  During the process, everyone who was listed had an opportunity to appear in court, or to send letters, or legal documents to the courts to alter or change, and even possibly stop the bankruptcy from proceeding and yet no one did.

Instead, two attorneys who are simply doing this out of their own greed and not for their clients best interest are actually suing me in court.  What I believed to have been dealt with in Bankruptcy according to them has not.  Now I have to figure out how to raise money to pay for an attorney to represent me and to stop these useless cases from going forward.  This is money that I don't have, and if I did have any to hire an attorney, I would have them suing the companies that put me in this mess to begin with.

Once again, this shows that if you have money, you will make money at other peoples expense and keep others pinned down to the ground so they can not get up and fight back. Both companies, Ginny's Printing who printed poor quality books and the University of Texas Co-Op are being represented by attorney's that are only interested in billing their clients and making money for themselves, not for the best interest of their clients.  Both companies received tax credits for the bankruptcy, so they can actually use those credits for more then the debit, and yet, their attorney's want to sue me for the debit.

If they win the law suites, I will not be able to pay them, which is already clear as I am barely hanging on now as it is.  If they win, I will have to consider the reality of being forced to close my business.  That means because of an attorney's greed, hundreds of peoples dreams will be shut down and most likely lost for ever. Where is the humanity in that? Where is the true best interest for the companies who are suing me?  Greed...you have got to love it when someone can be so calouse and cold to not care about anyone but themselves!

Life goes on...I try to keep going on.

Romantic Frustration

Being homeless just plain and simply put, SUCKS! For the past few months I have meet a lot of people who have wanted to get to know me on an intimate level and yet I really can't allow that to a point. First off, I don't share with many people that I am homeless, it's not something you really want to brag about. Secondly, as I have mentioned before in these postings, it's not like I can invite someone back to my storage unit for dinner, a romp in the hey, or anything. Thus, I have consciously set up road blocks to keep people at a distance and I hate it. I feel almost like I am lying to people.

SXSW was a perfect example of that. I had meet three people that I found interesting and attractive, and I could not tell any of them what my situation was, other then I had a roommate and the two of us agreed to not bring people home. Thus, for various reasons they couldn't invite me back to their place, so the opportunity to spend time with them and to get to know them was pretty much lost.

After one of them left town, I did send them my blog information and I never heard back from them again. I did try contacting them in general and not about the blog, still no response. Granted that is typical of out of towners, you don't usually develop much more after they leave town, but still, it is frustrating to share that part of your life only to be rejected.

As for the local's, its worst. You can see them on a more regular basis, and I do want to get to know people, but again...that aspect that I can't or don't want to tell them for fear of losing an opportunity to know someone, etc.

There have been rare occasions that I have meet someone and they fully understood my situation and still continue to be friends, and even offered limited help. I am truly grateful for them and I look forward to developing a friendship with.

But as for a love life, a companion of sorts, I am not seeing that and it is frustrating and disappointing!

Life goes on...I go on.

Part Time Work

Over the winter I was able to work for tips at a bar doing coat check. It was not much, averaging around $20 per night, with about 3 nights per week, but it was something and I was grateful for it. It did help pay some bills and that was important.

At the end of our winter, I was asked to help out during a huge event here in town known as SXSW, South By South West. The money I had hoped to make did not happen, but again, I did make some money and that is important. It helped pay for some bills and keep me going.

Computers...

Recently, an acquaintance of mine had found out about my situation and thought he would do something to help out. He travels on the weekends about 1 weekend a month, some times more, being gone about 4 days each time. He has a dog and puts him into a kennel while he is gone. He asked me to house sit for him and watch over the dog. I was more then glad to help. He offered to pay me for it as well. I at first told him that payment was not necessary as the gift of sleeping in a bed, having access to a freg and a bath tub was payment enough. But, he insisted that I take it or not do it. I know better then to refuse a gift from the Universe so I didn't argue the point. Glad I didn't...lol.

When we met to review things, we talked about what has been going on and what I need to help make things better. I told him that other then cash, a laptop would help greatly. He suggested helping me out with that in exchange for house sitting. I ended up with a new laptop that day...YEAH! And it has been very helpful to have it. I feel that I can once again accomplish getting work done that I have been so far behind in.

Homeless Update

It's been nearly two months since I last posted anything on here. A lot has been going on so I will try and catch you up in small segments.

Storage Unit...It appears that a few other people have been living in their storage units at my complex, but they have also been discovered and kicked out. I continue to watch my self and try my best to keep my time there limited to the off hours, but not always easy to do as business continues to move forward and I do need to get into the unit durring the day at times.

My routine at the unit is as follows: I am up and out of there by 8:30 AM to avoid the staff coming to work by 9 AM. I head to the gym to work out and shower and to this day, that was one of my best moves I made when this happened. The gym is just about a ¼ mile away, so I can easly walk to it. Once done, I then return to the unit without my gym bag as I leave it at the gym for later.

At the unit, I then collect my backpack and head out to use a computer and to just be out of there. I try not to come back until 3 to drop off the backpack and then to head back to the gym to kill some more time. I will come back to the unit by 5 and chill out until 6 when they leave. Usually, I will walk up to the grocery store and get something to eat that I can cook in my microwave. This time killer helps as usually I can streatch it out till 6 pm or later, their quitting time.

Once back in, I can then use my main PC to do some work which is not always easy. I am usually so tired of walking around...trying to be gone from their...that all I want to do is relax and get some sleep so I can start my day all over again.

Sunday is the only day that the staff is not there, and that is when I try to accomplish more, especially taking my laundry to get washed at the laundriet near by. I still empty out my piss jug about every other day late at night when I hope no one is around. Don't need to be caught doing that and trying to explain it.

That's pretty much the basics of my routine that I have settled into.

Update & Panhandlers

Howdy;

It’s been a bit since my last posting which is good in a way.  I’m still alive, though I have developed another cough due to chemicals that are in the storage unit building.  I will work feverously to get rid of it as I always do.

The lady I had previously wrote about has not said anything about me to the staff and as I found out from her last week, there are about 3 other people on the property that are also doing the same thing as I am.  What is also interesting is during one of my soup kitchen outings, I overheard a conversation about the same subject.  Apparently, the homeless are sharing information on what locations are the cheapest to rent and the easiest to live in.  That is comforting in one aspect, as they have a place to go to as I do, but extremely sad at the same time.  I know that I am not the first to consider doing this, and I doubt I will be the last, but for this to be happening to so many more is just so wrong.  Facilities are packed solid every night and more and more people are being forced out onto the streets every day.

While the media may promote good economic news right now, the reality is, it will take years of recovery to get people off the streets and back into homes.  For a lot of people, they don’t have years, let alone months or days.

This brings me to another subject that I feel I must say something about; Panhandlers.  While American hearts go out to the homeless, and that is a great thing to have happen, there are too many people who take advantage of that goodness.

Panhandlers are those types of people for the most part that choose not to work, choose not to live in a shelter or some other facility for they know that by standing out on the street corner holding up a sign that indicates their desperate flight, they will make a good chunk of change.  Reports have it from a mere $20 dollars a day up to the hundreds depending on what corner you have and how well you ‘work’ it.

In the mean time, a majority of them will use that money to buy food, drugs and alcohol.  Not one of them will save it and try to use it for something else that may help them get off the streets.  They are content being on the streets and don’t want to change.

The problem with this process is that those people who think they are helping out are really not helping at all.  They are actually allowing for the continuation of a bad habit.  The money that is collected by panhandlers would actually make a world of difference in the community by giving the money to programs that work with the homeless.  Imagine this, in Austin on a given day there are about 40 panhandlers on street corners.  If each one earns $20 per day that is about $800 dollars in one day.  Multiply that out by 365 days that is a total of $292,000 per year.   That is enough money to build a new facility for housing, feed thousands of people, etc.  Money that would go much further if organizations had it then it would for those panhandlers that would immediately spend it on waste or lose it.

So the next time you have the urge to give change to someone on the street, DON’T!  Instead, go home and write out a check to a charity group, even if it is only a $1.00 check.  It all helps those that really need it the most.

Life goes on…I go on.

Wishing you a Wonderful New Year

 2012 is now upon us and depending on who you listen to, 2012 will be our last year of existence as we know it.   The Mayan’s whose calendar system has been the most accurate in history simply says that on December 21, 2012 their calendar cycle ends and a new one begins.  I am leaning towards that line of thought.

Each New Years day begins a year full of opportunity and hope and this one is no different.  We are going through many changes and challenges as seen in 2011.  Do your best to keep fear at bay so you can enjoy all the wonders this New Year will offer you, even when it seems to be your darkest hour.  Allow your hope, faith and love to guide you this year through your journey.

While you may not know where your journey is taking you, know that there is a purpose for the journey and know without a doubt you will be a better person for it.

May you and your loved ones all have a Wonderful Life in 2012.

3 Month's of Homelessness

I am past the three month mark on becoming homeless and it’s been an interesting time for me on many levels.  Overall, I good learning experience and one full of information that I can use in my writings when I finally get a chance to write again.  I’ve meet many interesting people along the way, homeless and not homeless that have taught me a few things as well.

Today, I meet a fellow storage unit renter who lost her home in the Bastrop fires last September.  What she has left is in three storage units here and she is working hard to reduce it down to two units to help save money.  Most of what she has was given to her after the fire through donations; she has very little left of personal items.  I know her feeling of lost as I have been there once before.

The only concern I have is that she ‘believes’ that I am living in my storage unit and she does know that I run the extension cord out my door.  She too wants to do the same so that she can use her PC and try to get her life back on track.  I’m concerned that she will say something or be careless about using the electricity during business hours, the time that I make a point not to.  I just don’t want any additional reason or suspicion to come down on me and my use of the unit.  Right now, I just can’t lose the use of it.  I also can’t deny her the use of what I am using for she too needs it to some extent, though she has a motel room that she is calling home for now that FEMA is paying for.  I wish I had that…lol

All I can do is sit back and watch what happens, and trust that it will all work out for both of us.

Life goes on…I go on

Eyeglasses & Judgement

Recently I was able to get my new eyeglasses and what a challenge that was.  I first had to go through the medical department for a full exam before they would qualify me for the eyewear.  Once qualified, I then had to go through the eye doctor for a prescription, which is always good to do.  Prescriptions should be done at least once a year, especially for my age group.  Up to this point, everything went smooth and pleasant.

Once I had my new prescription, I went to a retailer that was on the approved list for accepting the coupon for glasses.  It was here that things became a bit more troublesome.  The coupon was good for $65.00 worth of eyewear.  Thus, very cheap glasses were all I could get.  Anything over ten dollars I would have to pay for, ok, that sounds fair.  However, it was the additional charges that they didn’t tell you about.  For example, the fact I had to have bifocals added $5.00, and then add in the type of prescription I had was another $10.  If I wanted a warranty, no line bifocals, plastic thinner lenses, etc., it kept adding up.  By the time they were done with all the extras, the glasses would have cost me the same as if I was paying for them myself, over $300.  What was the point of the coupon?

But that was only part of the issue.  It was how I was treated that really bothered me.  I get the fact everyone wants to make money, so the extra charges and hidden fees I understood, though I did not like them.  It was the change in attitude that I got when I showed them my coupon.  From being nice and friendly to cold and rude in the flash of an eyelid.  I was amazed by this clear act of judgment and dislike towards me because I needed some financial help with my eyewear.  It was clear that I did not look, act or smell homeless, so their nice person treatment at first was understandable.  I was a customer that was acting like I wanted to spend money.  But once that coupon was shown, I was no longer that customer but some weird thing.

Now before I go any further, I have said before that I am no saint.  I have made quick judgments on my fellow homeless people now and before I was homeless, it’s a natural state we all go through.  Until I understand why they are homeless, I pull out of my mind a thousand thoughts from past experience.  Maybe that was the case with this one sales person, maybe not.  Regardless, the fact remained that someone, even if it was not me, was paying the bill for some eyewear from her store.  A customer should be treated with respect until they give you a reason not to be and even then it’s best to treat them with respect until they have left your business or space.

I left that day defeated for not getting my glasses. I didn’t have the money to pay for any extras at all.  I choose to come back to the store another day when I would hopefully have the money.  Thankfully, my dad sent me some Christmas money that covered a couple of basics that were necessary to have.  I got my new pair of glasses that were sold to me by a different sales lady who was much more helpful and friendly to me then the first.  A total, I spent $54 on a pair of glasses, while the total bill was over $110.  I’m happy to have a new pair of eyewear, especially since my last pair was over 6 years old.  It’s nice to see things more clearly now.

Life goes on…I go on.

12-8-11 Homeless Update

During the past few weeks I have been arranging for some medical aid. Has a homeless person and one with no personal income, I qualify for a local program that gives me access to very basic medical services, and I do mean very basic services.

Once I received appro9val, I then attempted to schedule my first doctor’s appointment.  This exam would do the basic review of your current and past medical history and would put you into the system so that it would be easier to get dental and eye care services as well.

When I called a couple of locations close to me, I was advised that there would be no appointment scheduled until late March, April or maybe even May and this was at the end of November when I called.  Three to five months of waiting for an exam, no telling how long I would have to wait for treatment.  I didn’t make any appo99ntments at the time as I was completely disgusted at the situation.  Where were our tax dollars going to?  The answer is simple, other patients.  The system is simply maxed out and barely working as it is due to the increasing amount of homelessness, new people added to the poverty levels and more and more people who simply cannot afford any medical insurance at all.  The greed of corporations and of doctors continues to push medical service out of reach for the average American, screw the poor.

After I waited a couple of days, I made another call to a different location and was shocked by the fact that they had an opening in just a few days.  I took it without hesitation!

When I arrived at this location, I was surprised at how clean and new it was and at how empty the waiting room was as well.  I found out it was one of the newer locations to have opened up, thus not many people knew about it yet.  A blessing for me.

The staff was friendly and very competent which an extra benefit to me was. My exam was uneventful so far.  Good health as expected, minus the sinus issues.  Because of this exam, I was able to get my voucher for an eye exam and glasses, which I defiantly needed.  My glasses are over six years old and my contacts are expired.  I need new eye wear!  It will not be what I want or what I am use to, but it will be good solid vision and that’s what is important.  I have an appointment scheduled soon, so hopefully within a week I will have my new glasses.

What should be noted is that the system is broke. I was lucky to get an appointment as early as I had.  The frustration I felt on trying to get an appointment is what everyone feels who is homeless and because of this, they give up.  A few will go to an emergency room knowing that they will get treated one way or another.  Thus the country hospital emergency rooms become over loaded and congested, which then creates more issues for those true emergencies that come in.

It’s the large number of peop0le who give up on trying to get medical care and suffer with their condition until it goes away, or they die from it.  While they suffer with it, they may also be spreading the disease or illness that they have which also adds to the medical overload.  Those that die from their illness because they didn’t get medical care is the true shame of what is happening, they are dyeing when they shouldn’t be.

What I have written is nothing new.  It’s been going on for 20 plus years and most likely even longer than that.  It is for you as a reader of this that may not fully understand as it is not happening to you; it’s happening to the writer, therefore there is little to no connection to you.  It’s just words on a computer.

What angers me the most is how our political leaders continue to ignore what’s going on.  Based on their actions and lack of actions our country is in a complete mess financially.  With our current election cycle, we will hear a lot of lip service to please us, but after the elections are over, I seriously doubt anything will be done to correct it.  The continued bickering between the two parties creates more and more antagonism that creates more road blacks then it does compromise.  What will it take to get them to remember who they work for; the American people, not their party.

Will millions of Americans have to die in one year for them to get their act together?  I pray to God that is not the case.

But it is clear, something has to change and fast.  Being homeless is the equivalent of a death sentence and even worst then that.  At least on death row you have shelter and three meals a day.  Being homeless you are lucky for shelter and one meal a day.  You are almost certainly guaranteed a slow agonizing death.

12-1-11 Update

Howdy;

Ok, I've got to vent, so bare with me.

This morning I was checking my emails and saw an email from one of my authors who did something they had absolutely NO right to do.  They were not trying to help me, only themselves and now it has cost ME to loose up to $2,500.  What the F....!!!!

First off, why couldn't this person be patient and allow for the process to run its course?  Why couldn't this person contact me first before they did what he did?  Finally, he had brought the issue up to me and I told him I would take care of it, which I was and which there was much more to what was going on then he was aware of, so why didn't he just back off and let me take care of it?

I get that we want our books to do well, but at what cost?  This stunt has set me back again and I'm so tired of it.  He's the 4th author who thinks they know how to run my business with absolute no respect for what I am doing.  I'm over it.  I advised him that he had until December 10th to buy out his contract and I advised him how much it would cost, which was a very low price for what it would cost him in court for this screw up of his.

I want to be VERY clear here, I am not homeless by choice!  I want to live in a house or an apt that is mine, that I can enjoy the comforts that my authors are currently enjoying.  I ended up being homeless because I believe in my business and in my authors works enough to put myself on the back burner to help make sure that their books get sold.  Not because I enjoy sleeping in a storage unit or on a park bench!

When this type of crap happens, it doesn't just effect me, it effects every other author that works with me and it's not fair to them or to myself!  Yes, if you haven't gathered by now I am SUPPER PISSED!  It's shit like this that added to me loosing $100,000 and I will NOT put up with it anymore.

With that said...

Life goes on...I go on.

11-28-11 Homeless Update

One of my fears that I deal with pretty much on a daily basis at my storage unit is being found out.  The last thing I need is to be discovered that I am living in it.  On Sunday, I had that feeling of anxiety heightened way too high.  As I was working away on my pc doing business items, a person arrived and went to their storage unit.  It was directly across from mine, and my electrical cord was sticking out and plugged into the storage units box.  I was hoping they would be quick to get into their unit and go home, but that was not the case.  They actually had two units, and they were both near mine.  I sat there as quietly as I could waiting for them to leave, but after a good half hour of being on pins and needles, I finally gave in and got ready to leave for my earn that I had planned that afternoon, way too early to do it, but better than sitting there nervous.

I have no clue if one of these unit renters is going to say something to the staff one day; I pray they don’t, but that fear is ever so present these days.  I try as hard as I can to be there after the staff leaves, which sometimes I am surprised to arrive well after I think they should have left only to find them still there. 

The Holidays sales for our books resulted in NO books being sold this past weekend.  It hurts me to see that for I not only receive some money from the sale, but the author’s also don’t receive money and we ALL need the money.  I’m not sure what I can do considering I don’t have the money to advertise the company or the individual books.  I have scheduled a fund raiser book sale at a local bar for a local charity, but I honestly don’t know how that will work out.

In the mean time, I still have manuscripts coming in to me by people who wish to get published, and while I want to continue to move forward, I honestly just don’t know if I should take on any more authors at this time.  It’s that negative feeling that keeps working its way into my mind and I get so frustrated with it, but I just don’t see a clear way to getting out of my current situation and to move the company safely forward.

It was great to see that Holidays sales in general were way above expectations across America, but I am also concerned at how the sales will finish out.  I believe so many people thought they were getting great deals on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, that when the dust settles down in early January, they will see that the Holiday sales were not what they expected.  Again, it’s that negative side of my brain popping up…HELP!

Life goes on…I go on

11-23-11 Homeless Update

I turned 51 on Sunday and it was one of my toughest birthdays that I had to experience in a very long time.

I have a very small group of friends who really don’t know when my birthday is and I do prefer it that way.  It’s just another day to me as is Christmas.  A day of celebration that should be celebrated daily and not just on one day.

And yet, for some reason, this birthday seemed to hit me the hardest and I have not completely figured out why.  Maybe it is the fact that I am homeless, or the feeling of failure in how my business is currently situated, or just the fact that I am now over 50.

I’m sure that I will figure it out over time.  Until then, the Holiday season is here and I do intended to enjoy it.

On Tuesday, I joined thousands of others to celebrate Thanksgiving at the annual HEB Fest of Giving.  It was a traditional Thanksgiving dinner and it was enjoyable for what it was.  Live music and other activities also made it festive.  For myself and other homeless people, it was a pleasant event.  For the other thousands who choose to attend for they felt that as a customer of HEB that it was owed to them, they also enjoyed it.

As for Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, I have actually turned down a couple of invitations to dinner so that I may attend a ‘bar dinner’ and bring some treats to go with the evening.  This is something I have been doing for a long time now.  This is one of the aspects of being a homosexual that I do support; other gays and lesbians joining together to enjoy a Holiday because their family and society has kicked them to the curb.  This tradition of a ‘bar dinner’ has gone back for 30 years that I know of and I am sure many more than that.  Too many from the LeTs Bi Gay community are stilled turned away from their family and thus they create a new family that includes people like themselves.  After all, you may be born into a family of people you don’t like, but you are always free to create a family of people you do enjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and may you enjoy your family no matter whom’s a part of it.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-19-11 Homeless Update

Howdy, it's been a busy week but productive and that is always good.  We are in full swing of the Holiday season for the business, and sales are slowly picking up...Thank you!

Last Monday, Nov. 14, I was interviewed for the UT School of Journalism by a Mr. Erick Weiss.  We had previously talked before about Occupy Austin, but this time around it was about me being homeless.  You can see the short story at: http://journalism.utexas.edu/texasnewswatch, it starts about 2 min 30 sec into the show.  I sincerely hope this helps in some way to bring awareness to the fact that there are thousands of people if not millions, like myself going through this, and we shouldn't have to.  Things must change for the betterment of all of us, not just for a select few!

Life goes on...I go on

11-15-11 Homeless Update

About three weeks ago, I was at Occupy Austin and was interviewed by Texas Newswatch a University of Texas news program.  They used the interview for their Nov 3rd episode.

From that interview, the reporter pitched a story idea to his boss about the extremes people will go through to save their business.  I was thus interviewed again by the reporter in more detail yesterday (Monday 11-14-11).

There were two objectives to me doing the interview.  First and foremost, the hardship of what people are having to go through today due to our econ9omic turmoil.  We should not be in this position at all, but our politicians seem to think otherwise.

The second and clearly the most remote objective were to get some free advertising for the business.  Let’s face it, if sales come in and at a good healthy pace, I could in theory get an apartment once again.  And that is a major goal for me; keeping the business alive and getting off the streets to a ‘normal’ life.

It will be interesting to see what happens from this interview.  I could be discovered living in my storage unit and thus be thrown out, or I could begin to see sales that benefit ALL of my authors and artist as well as myself.

As always time will tell and I will post a link to the show after it airs.

In the mean time, I continue to get support from some of my authors through text messages and emails. While at the same time a few of them are doing their best to jump ship as they fear the worst for their work.

I appreciate the kind words and encouragement as I go through this endeavor, especially as I deal with the negative energy that is coming from a small few.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-15-11 Occupy

Over the past three days, various Occupy groups have been forced with political and police pressure to be shut down and closed.  The police of course are just following directions from the politicians who were elected by the people.  Sorry, but that’s a bunch of crap.

We all know that big business contr9olls politics, from the smallest political seat of county judge to the Presidency.  So these politicians are following the orders of their donors and not of the people.  While I have no doubt that there are a percentage of people who want to see the Occupy movement shut down, it is not the majority of people.  In fact there is not a majority of people in favor of the Occupy movement and that I put the blame squarely on the heads of the movement.

As with each positive and negative incident related to the Occupy movement, they fail to respond, especially on the positive aspects such as the 4 plus billion dollars transferred out of the big banks over the past month.  Therefore, the continued lack of and decreasing support for the movement is no one’s fault but occupy.

While I agree with Mayor Bloomberg that the Occupy tent cities have become a health hazard, I do not agree with his actions.  Nor do I agree with occupy’s continued lack of pro-active measures to avoid what is currently happening.

The Occupy movement needs to step up and create a higherarchy that is com0pletely inclusive and creates a working cooperative group that allows for self policing, cleaning/sanitation and improvements to the areas in which they occupy.  In other words, take away all negative arguments that the politicians are using to shut the tent cities down.

I realize that there will always be negative issues that arise from such an event, but by having a proactive group established, their ability to deal with the negative aspects quickly will cut down the negative press.

A case in point:  On Saturday, I had agreed to meet a reporter for a follow up interview about my homelessness. While I waited for him at the Austin Occupy location, I witnessed a very heated argument between those who consider themselves die hard Occupiers and those they saw as free loaders.

This argument which leads to verbal assaults, tears and way too much screaming carried on for 20 minutes.  Because their 2was no hierarchy established, anyone and everyone was allowed to yell and scream their thoughts.  If a group had been established, they could have addressed the issue before it became a yelling match.  Instead, the 20 minutes of verbal exchange resulted in nothing being changed or accomplished, except that the amount of anger towards each party increased more than it needed to.

While there are many in the occupy movement that feel any form of government should not exist, the reality is, there must be something or total anarchy will exist.  To change government you must do two things; work from within and from the outside of the establishment.  Clearly Occupy’s continued “occupying” is not enough to make the change.  Thus the need fo4r a political extension of the movement needs to exist.

The value and concept of the Occupy movement must NOT die.  But it does have to grow and grow much faster then it currently is.

11-14-11 #6 Causes to my Homelessness

I have over the past month listed 5 causes that brought me to my current situation of homelessness.  I would like to now venture out a bit on a 6 cause that may be considered a bit out there in the wild for most people and that final cause is Spirit.

I have been a student of Spirit and Spirituality for over 30 years and to be honest not always a very good student at understanding it or practicing my beliefs.

While I can understand the concept of balance as outlined through Buddhist practice I also understand the concept of “Life,” being caught up in the moment.

While trying to practice peace and tranquility by being centered and balanced, it is just that, practice.  When we are living in the human form, we deal with a variety of things on so many levels it can be overwhelming.  It is then very easy to forget what you are trying to achieve (peace) and allow emotions (ego) to get the better of you.

To be honest, that’s why we are here to begin with.  To experience life so that we may grow from it and hopefully find that balance, that centered peace that we can and will achieve; nirvana, heaven and pure love.

So with that in mind, knowing that we are spiritual beings that are part of god/Universe, we can then create things in our life that help us to achieve that ultimate goal.

In my case, while I have great belief in what my company is about and trying to achieve, I may have on a spiritual level set out to create my current situation.  This sub conscious act also means that the ends to my madness is there waiting to happen, however, I must first go through whatever it is I have created in order to learn what I must.  In addition to that, I also know that we work with each other on a spiritual basis to make sure that all the players are there doing their part to help one learn their lesson, while they learn their own.  Thus, even though this may seem to be ‘my’ issue, I may have also agreed to be part of a larger aspect that has not completely come to my attention yet.  That is, not until I get out of myself and stay focused on the ‘bigger’ picture.

So, even though I have pointed out 5 main causes that together have brought me to this point of homelessness, there may in fact be that 6 reason; my subconscious spirit wanting me to learn something so that I may become a greater person, or to help the Universe become greater through my actions related to my current situation. 

As I said, it may be too far out there for many people and that’s ok.  For those who read this and understand it, I hope they too may learn from my experience.

Life goes on…I go on.