11-28-11 Homeless Update

One of my fears that I deal with pretty much on a daily basis at my storage unit is being found out.  The last thing I need is to be discovered that I am living in it.  On Sunday, I had that feeling of anxiety heightened way too high.  As I was working away on my pc doing business items, a person arrived and went to their storage unit.  It was directly across from mine, and my electrical cord was sticking out and plugged into the storage units box.  I was hoping they would be quick to get into their unit and go home, but that was not the case.  They actually had two units, and they were both near mine.  I sat there as quietly as I could waiting for them to leave, but after a good half hour of being on pins and needles, I finally gave in and got ready to leave for my earn that I had planned that afternoon, way too early to do it, but better than sitting there nervous.

I have no clue if one of these unit renters is going to say something to the staff one day; I pray they don’t, but that fear is ever so present these days.  I try as hard as I can to be there after the staff leaves, which sometimes I am surprised to arrive well after I think they should have left only to find them still there. 

The Holidays sales for our books resulted in NO books being sold this past weekend.  It hurts me to see that for I not only receive some money from the sale, but the author’s also don’t receive money and we ALL need the money.  I’m not sure what I can do considering I don’t have the money to advertise the company or the individual books.  I have scheduled a fund raiser book sale at a local bar for a local charity, but I honestly don’t know how that will work out.

In the mean time, I still have manuscripts coming in to me by people who wish to get published, and while I want to continue to move forward, I honestly just don’t know if I should take on any more authors at this time.  It’s that negative feeling that keeps working its way into my mind and I get so frustrated with it, but I just don’t see a clear way to getting out of my current situation and to move the company safely forward.

It was great to see that Holidays sales in general were way above expectations across America, but I am also concerned at how the sales will finish out.  I believe so many people thought they were getting great deals on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, that when the dust settles down in early January, they will see that the Holiday sales were not what they expected.  Again, it’s that negative side of my brain popping up…HELP!

Life goes on…I go on

11-23-11 Homeless Update

I turned 51 on Sunday and it was one of my toughest birthdays that I had to experience in a very long time.

I have a very small group of friends who really don’t know when my birthday is and I do prefer it that way.  It’s just another day to me as is Christmas.  A day of celebration that should be celebrated daily and not just on one day.

And yet, for some reason, this birthday seemed to hit me the hardest and I have not completely figured out why.  Maybe it is the fact that I am homeless, or the feeling of failure in how my business is currently situated, or just the fact that I am now over 50.

I’m sure that I will figure it out over time.  Until then, the Holiday season is here and I do intended to enjoy it.

On Tuesday, I joined thousands of others to celebrate Thanksgiving at the annual HEB Fest of Giving.  It was a traditional Thanksgiving dinner and it was enjoyable for what it was.  Live music and other activities also made it festive.  For myself and other homeless people, it was a pleasant event.  For the other thousands who choose to attend for they felt that as a customer of HEB that it was owed to them, they also enjoyed it.

As for Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, I have actually turned down a couple of invitations to dinner so that I may attend a ‘bar dinner’ and bring some treats to go with the evening.  This is something I have been doing for a long time now.  This is one of the aspects of being a homosexual that I do support; other gays and lesbians joining together to enjoy a Holiday because their family and society has kicked them to the curb.  This tradition of a ‘bar dinner’ has gone back for 30 years that I know of and I am sure many more than that.  Too many from the LeTs Bi Gay community are stilled turned away from their family and thus they create a new family that includes people like themselves.  After all, you may be born into a family of people you don’t like, but you are always free to create a family of people you do enjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and may you enjoy your family no matter whom’s a part of it.

Life goes on…I go on.

10-31-11

Happy Halloween!  I have been homeless for over a month and now well into the Fall weather and the Holidays.  What will the following days and weeks bring to me?

On a good note, I was able to “Borrow from Peter to pay Paul,” as the saying goes, and pay for November rent on my storage unit.  That is good…lol  It cost me an extra amount, but hopefully, it was worth it in the longer term.

The weekend was full of interesting events, and for that reason, I will break the postings down into smaller ones to help with the flow and the interest.  What I will say here is that as I go through this event in my life, I do my best to not look or act homeless.  That means, I wash my clothes as and keep them as clean as possible.  I make sure I keep my gym membership so I can shower daily, and thankfully, help me work out and relive some stress as well.  Thus, when I talk to someone in person, I don’t want them to know I am homeless by my looks or actions.  I will, if I so choose will tell them that I am homeless.  Homelessness is not something to be proud of, and it is not something that I wish for anyone, unless they want it and there are plenty of people happy to do so.  But for myself, and the millions of others that are caught in this situation, I pray to God that something changes soon in our politics, and our mental consciousness to share the wealth and to make all living beings healthier, happier people.

Life goes on…I go on.