Romantic Frustration Continues

Over Easter weekend I was out and about helping some friends at a fundraiser.  During this time, I had the pleasure of meeting a person.  I really had not thought much of it simply because we were both busy doing our thing, but it was clear that we had an attraction to each other.  I gave them my business card and a kiss goodbye as I was leaving the bar and let the thought flow to the back of my mind as ‘that was nice.’

The following Monday I received a text from him.  I was surprised and pleased by the gesture.  We started to chat then and continued on to Thursday, when we decided to meet up for a brief time due to their schedule.  It was a fun brief few minutes.  There are a lot of things I like about the person and I could see myself wanting to learn more about them and to grow into something if it’s meant to be.  However, that nagging thought came back to me.  I’m homeless!

That single thought can truly ruin any hopes for romance of any type.  Do I bother to spend the time to get to know them and to develop something, or do I stop it in its tracks.  Sooner or later I will have to tell them and they will act in one of two ways…freak out and disappear as so many have done, or say it’s cool and remain friends, but nothing else.

I can’t blame them for not wanting to get involved with someone who is homeless. After all, it’s not saying much for who they are.  I mean really, how could someone end up homeless, right?  If you have been reading my blog you know how it happened.  And that’s what the real aspect is, it happened and I am homeless.

What is frustrating for me is that I feel I have to cut myself off from friends and possibly romantic interest because of my situation.  When people don’t know what is going on with me, they are pleasant and kind, acting as if I am a normal person.  Don’t get me wrong, there are a hand full of people who are being supportive and I AM Grateful for them.  It does keep my hopes for human kindness alive.  But, there are those who do act differently because I am in my situation.  I get it, I understand.

Thus, the continuing dilemma: Do I say something now and let it end?  Do I keep going without saying anything in the hopes of something developing, which could then fall apart when they do find out?  Do I act normal as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening?  I do my best to be myself as much as I can and I hope they enjoy me for who I am.  In time we will see what happens.

Life goes on…I go on

Another Homeless Person Bites the Dust

I was sitting in my storage unit working away on my business when property manager walked up to say hi.  He has done this from time to time and we have had congeal conversations at times, nothing major, just friendly talks. 

He started this conversation just as friendly as usual and then casually went into the fact that he had to kick someone out today because they were living in their storage unit.  As the conversation progressed, it was clear that someone had called the City building inspectors to complain about the two women that were in the unit.  He had his suspicions, but was really sure and really was not going to push the issue.  None the less, the city came out and they opened the unit and saw that a bed roll had been laid out, and signs of sleeping were evident.  He had no choice but to put them out on the street.

During the entire conversation I was doing my best to act surprised about the situation and at the same time, non-chalet about it.  While in the back of my mind, I was freaking out.  I don’t know if they pissed someone off and that’s why someone called them or what happened.  But it happened, which means it could happen to me just as easily.  The people around me have seen me in my unit working on my pc and so far nothing else.  But what will it take, someone getting pissed at me for any reason at all and calling the place to rat on me?  An accident on my part?  What? 

Things have to change for me!  I need my own place, or to rent a place, but that takes money, money that I don’t have.  Again, every penny goes into my business to keep it going.  While things look to be improving, it’s not good enough yet to get me back to where I was. 

The frustration continues.

Life goes on…I go on.

Greed and Injustice

Ok, I am going to be very upfront and blunt here...this message is a pure vent!  Thus, it may not make a lot of sense, but I have to express my thoughts.

I left court about an hour ago and I am pissed that the court was so disrespectful towards me and my company.  I had submitted a request for a continuance so that I could raise the money to hire an attorney to represent me and the judge totally ignored it saying that I was not on the lawsuit, regardless of the fact that I am the major owner of the company and that I signed the promissory note for Ginny's Printing.

It was clear that the judge just didn't give a shit!  He was siding with companies left and right during the hearings with no regard for the individuals that were before him.  I don't know his political affiliation, but I have no doubt based on his actions he was a Republican, and I would go as far as to say that the attorney's that were before him, including the one representing Ginny's Printing have donated to his campaign fund.  Conflict of interest?

Well, with a judgement against my company, I am now forced to figure out if I will close my business down in order to project the interest of everyone involved with my company.   But instead, I need to see how I can save my company, and save the vested interest of every person who works with me.

It was clear that I am not an attorney, and the fact the judge would not allow me an opportunity to have time to raise money to hire an attorney is pure Bull Shit!  Ginny's is already waiting for money they will not see, so what is another 3 or 6 months wait?  Why couldn't the judge allow me the additional time to save my company?  To save my last and only income that I have left? 

Once again, the rich get richer and the poorer get poorer....

Life goes on...I MUST GO ON!

Law Suites = Greed

Last year when faced with a variety of financial losses and pending law suites, I felt it was best for myself and for my company if I filled bankruptcy.  In so doing, I listed just about every debit I could find and remember, from personal to business.  During the process, everyone who was listed had an opportunity to appear in court, or to send letters, or legal documents to the courts to alter or change, and even possibly stop the bankruptcy from proceeding and yet no one did.

Instead, two attorneys who are simply doing this out of their own greed and not for their clients best interest are actually suing me in court.  What I believed to have been dealt with in Bankruptcy according to them has not.  Now I have to figure out how to raise money to pay for an attorney to represent me and to stop these useless cases from going forward.  This is money that I don't have, and if I did have any to hire an attorney, I would have them suing the companies that put me in this mess to begin with.

Once again, this shows that if you have money, you will make money at other peoples expense and keep others pinned down to the ground so they can not get up and fight back. Both companies, Ginny's Printing who printed poor quality books and the University of Texas Co-Op are being represented by attorney's that are only interested in billing their clients and making money for themselves, not for the best interest of their clients.  Both companies received tax credits for the bankruptcy, so they can actually use those credits for more then the debit, and yet, their attorney's want to sue me for the debit.

If they win the law suites, I will not be able to pay them, which is already clear as I am barely hanging on now as it is.  If they win, I will have to consider the reality of being forced to close my business.  That means because of an attorney's greed, hundreds of peoples dreams will be shut down and most likely lost for ever. Where is the humanity in that? Where is the true best interest for the companies who are suing me?  Greed...you have got to love it when someone can be so calouse and cold to not care about anyone but themselves!

Life goes on...I try to keep going on.

Romantic Frustration

Being homeless just plain and simply put, SUCKS! For the past few months I have meet a lot of people who have wanted to get to know me on an intimate level and yet I really can't allow that to a point. First off, I don't share with many people that I am homeless, it's not something you really want to brag about. Secondly, as I have mentioned before in these postings, it's not like I can invite someone back to my storage unit for dinner, a romp in the hey, or anything. Thus, I have consciously set up road blocks to keep people at a distance and I hate it. I feel almost like I am lying to people.

SXSW was a perfect example of that. I had meet three people that I found interesting and attractive, and I could not tell any of them what my situation was, other then I had a roommate and the two of us agreed to not bring people home. Thus, for various reasons they couldn't invite me back to their place, so the opportunity to spend time with them and to get to know them was pretty much lost.

After one of them left town, I did send them my blog information and I never heard back from them again. I did try contacting them in general and not about the blog, still no response. Granted that is typical of out of towners, you don't usually develop much more after they leave town, but still, it is frustrating to share that part of your life only to be rejected.

As for the local's, its worst. You can see them on a more regular basis, and I do want to get to know people, but again...that aspect that I can't or don't want to tell them for fear of losing an opportunity to know someone, etc.

There have been rare occasions that I have meet someone and they fully understood my situation and still continue to be friends, and even offered limited help. I am truly grateful for them and I look forward to developing a friendship with.

But as for a love life, a companion of sorts, I am not seeing that and it is frustrating and disappointing!

Life goes on...I go on.

Wishing you a Wonderful New Year

 2012 is now upon us and depending on who you listen to, 2012 will be our last year of existence as we know it.   The Mayan’s whose calendar system has been the most accurate in history simply says that on December 21, 2012 their calendar cycle ends and a new one begins.  I am leaning towards that line of thought.

Each New Years day begins a year full of opportunity and hope and this one is no different.  We are going through many changes and challenges as seen in 2011.  Do your best to keep fear at bay so you can enjoy all the wonders this New Year will offer you, even when it seems to be your darkest hour.  Allow your hope, faith and love to guide you this year through your journey.

While you may not know where your journey is taking you, know that there is a purpose for the journey and know without a doubt you will be a better person for it.

May you and your loved ones all have a Wonderful Life in 2012.

Eyeglasses & Judgement

Recently I was able to get my new eyeglasses and what a challenge that was.  I first had to go through the medical department for a full exam before they would qualify me for the eyewear.  Once qualified, I then had to go through the eye doctor for a prescription, which is always good to do.  Prescriptions should be done at least once a year, especially for my age group.  Up to this point, everything went smooth and pleasant.

Once I had my new prescription, I went to a retailer that was on the approved list for accepting the coupon for glasses.  It was here that things became a bit more troublesome.  The coupon was good for $65.00 worth of eyewear.  Thus, very cheap glasses were all I could get.  Anything over ten dollars I would have to pay for, ok, that sounds fair.  However, it was the additional charges that they didn’t tell you about.  For example, the fact I had to have bifocals added $5.00, and then add in the type of prescription I had was another $10.  If I wanted a warranty, no line bifocals, plastic thinner lenses, etc., it kept adding up.  By the time they were done with all the extras, the glasses would have cost me the same as if I was paying for them myself, over $300.  What was the point of the coupon?

But that was only part of the issue.  It was how I was treated that really bothered me.  I get the fact everyone wants to make money, so the extra charges and hidden fees I understood, though I did not like them.  It was the change in attitude that I got when I showed them my coupon.  From being nice and friendly to cold and rude in the flash of an eyelid.  I was amazed by this clear act of judgment and dislike towards me because I needed some financial help with my eyewear.  It was clear that I did not look, act or smell homeless, so their nice person treatment at first was understandable.  I was a customer that was acting like I wanted to spend money.  But once that coupon was shown, I was no longer that customer but some weird thing.

Now before I go any further, I have said before that I am no saint.  I have made quick judgments on my fellow homeless people now and before I was homeless, it’s a natural state we all go through.  Until I understand why they are homeless, I pull out of my mind a thousand thoughts from past experience.  Maybe that was the case with this one sales person, maybe not.  Regardless, the fact remained that someone, even if it was not me, was paying the bill for some eyewear from her store.  A customer should be treated with respect until they give you a reason not to be and even then it’s best to treat them with respect until they have left your business or space.

I left that day defeated for not getting my glasses. I didn’t have the money to pay for any extras at all.  I choose to come back to the store another day when I would hopefully have the money.  Thankfully, my dad sent me some Christmas money that covered a couple of basics that were necessary to have.  I got my new pair of glasses that were sold to me by a different sales lady who was much more helpful and friendly to me then the first.  A total, I spent $54 on a pair of glasses, while the total bill was over $110.  I’m happy to have a new pair of eyewear, especially since my last pair was over 6 years old.  It’s nice to see things more clearly now.

Life goes on…I go on.

12-8-11 Homeless Update

During the past few weeks I have been arranging for some medical aid. Has a homeless person and one with no personal income, I qualify for a local program that gives me access to very basic medical services, and I do mean very basic services.

Once I received appro9val, I then attempted to schedule my first doctor’s appointment.  This exam would do the basic review of your current and past medical history and would put you into the system so that it would be easier to get dental and eye care services as well.

When I called a couple of locations close to me, I was advised that there would be no appointment scheduled until late March, April or maybe even May and this was at the end of November when I called.  Three to five months of waiting for an exam, no telling how long I would have to wait for treatment.  I didn’t make any appo99ntments at the time as I was completely disgusted at the situation.  Where were our tax dollars going to?  The answer is simple, other patients.  The system is simply maxed out and barely working as it is due to the increasing amount of homelessness, new people added to the poverty levels and more and more people who simply cannot afford any medical insurance at all.  The greed of corporations and of doctors continues to push medical service out of reach for the average American, screw the poor.

After I waited a couple of days, I made another call to a different location and was shocked by the fact that they had an opening in just a few days.  I took it without hesitation!

When I arrived at this location, I was surprised at how clean and new it was and at how empty the waiting room was as well.  I found out it was one of the newer locations to have opened up, thus not many people knew about it yet.  A blessing for me.

The staff was friendly and very competent which an extra benefit to me was. My exam was uneventful so far.  Good health as expected, minus the sinus issues.  Because of this exam, I was able to get my voucher for an eye exam and glasses, which I defiantly needed.  My glasses are over six years old and my contacts are expired.  I need new eye wear!  It will not be what I want or what I am use to, but it will be good solid vision and that’s what is important.  I have an appointment scheduled soon, so hopefully within a week I will have my new glasses.

What should be noted is that the system is broke. I was lucky to get an appointment as early as I had.  The frustration I felt on trying to get an appointment is what everyone feels who is homeless and because of this, they give up.  A few will go to an emergency room knowing that they will get treated one way or another.  Thus the country hospital emergency rooms become over loaded and congested, which then creates more issues for those true emergencies that come in.

It’s the large number of peop0le who give up on trying to get medical care and suffer with their condition until it goes away, or they die from it.  While they suffer with it, they may also be spreading the disease or illness that they have which also adds to the medical overload.  Those that die from their illness because they didn’t get medical care is the true shame of what is happening, they are dyeing when they shouldn’t be.

What I have written is nothing new.  It’s been going on for 20 plus years and most likely even longer than that.  It is for you as a reader of this that may not fully understand as it is not happening to you; it’s happening to the writer, therefore there is little to no connection to you.  It’s just words on a computer.

What angers me the most is how our political leaders continue to ignore what’s going on.  Based on their actions and lack of actions our country is in a complete mess financially.  With our current election cycle, we will hear a lot of lip service to please us, but after the elections are over, I seriously doubt anything will be done to correct it.  The continued bickering between the two parties creates more and more antagonism that creates more road blacks then it does compromise.  What will it take to get them to remember who they work for; the American people, not their party.

Will millions of Americans have to die in one year for them to get their act together?  I pray to God that is not the case.

But it is clear, something has to change and fast.  Being homeless is the equivalent of a death sentence and even worst then that.  At least on death row you have shelter and three meals a day.  Being homeless you are lucky for shelter and one meal a day.  You are almost certainly guaranteed a slow agonizing death.

12-1-11 Update

Howdy;

Ok, I've got to vent, so bare with me.

This morning I was checking my emails and saw an email from one of my authors who did something they had absolutely NO right to do.  They were not trying to help me, only themselves and now it has cost ME to loose up to $2,500.  What the F....!!!!

First off, why couldn't this person be patient and allow for the process to run its course?  Why couldn't this person contact me first before they did what he did?  Finally, he had brought the issue up to me and I told him I would take care of it, which I was and which there was much more to what was going on then he was aware of, so why didn't he just back off and let me take care of it?

I get that we want our books to do well, but at what cost?  This stunt has set me back again and I'm so tired of it.  He's the 4th author who thinks they know how to run my business with absolute no respect for what I am doing.  I'm over it.  I advised him that he had until December 10th to buy out his contract and I advised him how much it would cost, which was a very low price for what it would cost him in court for this screw up of his.

I want to be VERY clear here, I am not homeless by choice!  I want to live in a house or an apt that is mine, that I can enjoy the comforts that my authors are currently enjoying.  I ended up being homeless because I believe in my business and in my authors works enough to put myself on the back burner to help make sure that their books get sold.  Not because I enjoy sleeping in a storage unit or on a park bench!

When this type of crap happens, it doesn't just effect me, it effects every other author that works with me and it's not fair to them or to myself!  Yes, if you haven't gathered by now I am SUPPER PISSED!  It's shit like this that added to me loosing $100,000 and I will NOT put up with it anymore.

With that said...

Life goes on...I go on.

11-28-11 Homeless Update

One of my fears that I deal with pretty much on a daily basis at my storage unit is being found out.  The last thing I need is to be discovered that I am living in it.  On Sunday, I had that feeling of anxiety heightened way too high.  As I was working away on my pc doing business items, a person arrived and went to their storage unit.  It was directly across from mine, and my electrical cord was sticking out and plugged into the storage units box.  I was hoping they would be quick to get into their unit and go home, but that was not the case.  They actually had two units, and they were both near mine.  I sat there as quietly as I could waiting for them to leave, but after a good half hour of being on pins and needles, I finally gave in and got ready to leave for my earn that I had planned that afternoon, way too early to do it, but better than sitting there nervous.

I have no clue if one of these unit renters is going to say something to the staff one day; I pray they don’t, but that fear is ever so present these days.  I try as hard as I can to be there after the staff leaves, which sometimes I am surprised to arrive well after I think they should have left only to find them still there. 

The Holidays sales for our books resulted in NO books being sold this past weekend.  It hurts me to see that for I not only receive some money from the sale, but the author’s also don’t receive money and we ALL need the money.  I’m not sure what I can do considering I don’t have the money to advertise the company or the individual books.  I have scheduled a fund raiser book sale at a local bar for a local charity, but I honestly don’t know how that will work out.

In the mean time, I still have manuscripts coming in to me by people who wish to get published, and while I want to continue to move forward, I honestly just don’t know if I should take on any more authors at this time.  It’s that negative feeling that keeps working its way into my mind and I get so frustrated with it, but I just don’t see a clear way to getting out of my current situation and to move the company safely forward.

It was great to see that Holidays sales in general were way above expectations across America, but I am also concerned at how the sales will finish out.  I believe so many people thought they were getting great deals on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, that when the dust settles down in early January, they will see that the Holiday sales were not what they expected.  Again, it’s that negative side of my brain popping up…HELP!

Life goes on…I go on

Vote them Out!

PRESS RELEASE

For Immediate Release

Contact:

B. Alan Bourgeois

(512) 550-4582

AforCG@live.com

National Call to “Vote them Out!”

Austin, TX – Once again, the political rhetoric that divides our country continues to delay our economic recovery while allowing for corporations and the wealthy 1% to continue to profit from the misery that most Americans are currently suffering.

While our voices may be muted by politicians who are afraid of what we stand for, we are defiant in our cause and our current objective to Vote Them Out!

This national campaign is geared towards every Senator and House of Representative that is up for re-election in 2012.  Their failure to work together for the common ground of every American clearly illustrates that they have chosen not to represent the people who elected them to office, they must go.

A loud and clear voice will be heard on Election Day by those who remain in elected office that the American people are tired of business as usual.

Americans for Common Ground is a national political action grouped formed out of the Occupy movement.  They are a non-partisan organization based in Austin, Texas.

# # #

Additional contact information:

Email: AforCG@live.com                                               Blog: AforCG@blogspot.com

11-19-11 Homeless Update

Howdy, it's been a busy week but productive and that is always good.  We are in full swing of the Holiday season for the business, and sales are slowly picking up...Thank you!

Last Monday, Nov. 14, I was interviewed for the UT School of Journalism by a Mr. Erick Weiss.  We had previously talked before about Occupy Austin, but this time around it was about me being homeless.  You can see the short story at: http://journalism.utexas.edu/texasnewswatch, it starts about 2 min 30 sec into the show.  I sincerely hope this helps in some way to bring awareness to the fact that there are thousands of people if not millions, like myself going through this, and we shouldn't have to.  Things must change for the betterment of all of us, not just for a select few!

Life goes on...I go on

11-15-11 Occupy

Over the past three days, various Occupy groups have been forced with political and police pressure to be shut down and closed.  The police of course are just following directions from the politicians who were elected by the people.  Sorry, but that’s a bunch of crap.

We all know that big business contr9olls politics, from the smallest political seat of county judge to the Presidency.  So these politicians are following the orders of their donors and not of the people.  While I have no doubt that there are a percentage of people who want to see the Occupy movement shut down, it is not the majority of people.  In fact there is not a majority of people in favor of the Occupy movement and that I put the blame squarely on the heads of the movement.

As with each positive and negative incident related to the Occupy movement, they fail to respond, especially on the positive aspects such as the 4 plus billion dollars transferred out of the big banks over the past month.  Therefore, the continued lack of and decreasing support for the movement is no one’s fault but occupy.

While I agree with Mayor Bloomberg that the Occupy tent cities have become a health hazard, I do not agree with his actions.  Nor do I agree with occupy’s continued lack of pro-active measures to avoid what is currently happening.

The Occupy movement needs to step up and create a higherarchy that is com0pletely inclusive and creates a working cooperative group that allows for self policing, cleaning/sanitation and improvements to the areas in which they occupy.  In other words, take away all negative arguments that the politicians are using to shut the tent cities down.

I realize that there will always be negative issues that arise from such an event, but by having a proactive group established, their ability to deal with the negative aspects quickly will cut down the negative press.

A case in point:  On Saturday, I had agreed to meet a reporter for a follow up interview about my homelessness. While I waited for him at the Austin Occupy location, I witnessed a very heated argument between those who consider themselves die hard Occupiers and those they saw as free loaders.

This argument which leads to verbal assaults, tears and way too much screaming carried on for 20 minutes.  Because their 2was no hierarchy established, anyone and everyone was allowed to yell and scream their thoughts.  If a group had been established, they could have addressed the issue before it became a yelling match.  Instead, the 20 minutes of verbal exchange resulted in nothing being changed or accomplished, except that the amount of anger towards each party increased more than it needed to.

While there are many in the occupy movement that feel any form of government should not exist, the reality is, there must be something or total anarchy will exist.  To change government you must do two things; work from within and from the outside of the establishment.  Clearly Occupy’s continued “occupying” is not enough to make the change.  Thus the need fo4r a political extension of the movement needs to exist.

The value and concept of the Occupy movement must NOT die.  But it does have to grow and grow much faster then it currently is.

11-14-11 #5 Cause of my Homelessness

So far, I have posted 4 causes to why I am homeless, each not being a single item that caused it, but together; they have brought me to this point.  Here is cause #5 and the one that to me is the greatest reason and cause to my current situation.

Lack of respect and care for the product that certain companies put out is becoming a major issue in America.  The first is UniBooks out of Georgia, which is owned by a foreign company; Pellman Industries.

UniBook was my main source for hard cove r bound books. A t first when I began to use them in late 2009, if a book arrived to us incorrectly, they were good about redoing it and sending it back to us done correct.  What any company should do.  However, something happened over a course of a year and their customer service and quality control went out the window.  Ti was also at the worst possible time for us as we were at the height of book releases for the 2010 Holiday season.

UniBooks began to send us books that were literally falling apart, or printed backwards.  After going back and forth for several months, I was left hold the bag, as they say.  I had to refund c lose to 100 orders for books that I could not send out due to the poor quality I was receiving from UniBooks.  This not only caused me to lose existing sales, but new sales as well. A long with finance charges from my credit card processor and NSF fees from my bank.  They cost me to lose over $15,000 cash and a minimum of $25,000 in sales and without a doubt, upwards to $100,000 in future sales.

The next company was Baker & Taylor, a book distribution company that also seemed to have a problem its production and customer service.  The losses from them were under $10,000.

Finally, Ginny’s printing in Austin, TX.  My losses to their inability to print good and proper colored books cost me so far $45,000 plus the loss of one author.

These three companies alone are responsible for ¾ of my total bankruptcy debit.  All of which I have more than enough legal grounds to sue and collect on if I had the funds to sue them.  But, sadly as I have posted before, when you don’t have the money to pay for an attorney, you get screwed.  Thus, I have suffered great harm as have my authors and artist have by these companies and by the greed and selfishness of attorney’s.  The rich get richer and the poorer get poorer.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-10-11 - Negative Energy

Has I have been dealing with the financial downfall of this year, I have constantly fought with the negative energy that exist.  Most of the time I am able to overcome it with hard work and determination.  However, since becoming homeless I find the struggle to be even harder each day.  In fact, I feel my positive thoughts have dwindled to half of what they had been a month ago.

I believe that a lot of this is related to three items.  #1 – not having access to my PC and the internet as I had when I had a home.  I worked out of my house, so my line of communication was always open to my authors and artist.  I was able to work quickly and efficiently on projects and do marketing on social networks as needed.  That is not the case now.  I am limited to a maximum of 2 hours on a library PC with increments of no more than 1 hour each.  Thus, when I do get on a PC, I don’t have a lot of time to do what is needed.  I tend to miss things, which is not always good.

#2 – the lack of business growth and sales.  The continued stagnation of the bad economy keeps my business at a virtual standstill, which means zilch, nada, no sales.  This at the beginning of the Holiday sales season is not good.  I have books that need to be sold and no money to help promote them.  A vicious cycle that continues to keep me in the hole of negativity.

#3 – People that I am surrounded by are not always positive.  Homeless people in general are so exhausted and torn down by what brought them to their point of homelessness that they give up on life in general.  I understand that and see myself heading in that direction.  Thus the reason for this posting.

I DO NOT want to be one of those angry, negative people who bitch about everything and ultimately become one of those men who have lost their minds and walk the streets talking to themselves who have reached the point of no return.

It is clear that for myself, I must stay positive in all aspects of my life.  I have posted before on here about the value of staying positive and drawing positive energy to one self.  It’s not always easy.  You do have to live life and that means dealing with negative thoughts and energies.  In some cases, such as my current one, the people I am forced to be around are constantly and almost helplessly in a state of negativity.

Yesterday afternoon, I went to get some medical assistance, while waiting in line, a young lady who had been chatting with the other people in line turned to me and asked, “Are you homeless?”  I said yes with no hesitation.  She quickly responded with, “You don’t look homeless.”  I simply said, “That’s my goal.  To not look like I am homeless.”  The young lady gave me a look of confusion and then turned away as she said, “I want to look homeless, ‘cause I am.”

That response of hers was full of negative energy.  She believed that she had to look like she was homeless.  And at the same time, the tone she used indicated that she felt I was being too good or uppity about my experience.

It comes down to being true to yourself.  You may be homeless physically, but spiritually you are not.  You may be physically in a prison of drugs or alcohol, or even of cement and brinks, but spiritually you are not.

So has I deal with the constant borage of negative energy, I have chosen to say a mantra, a prayer, or a simple “Thank you,” for what good is in my life.  To be honest, I probably don’t say it enough.  Thus, I write here and now that I AM THANKFUL for EVERYTHING in my life.  I am grateful for the opportunity to grow, even when I don’t show it!!

Life goes on…I go on.

11-9-11 Causes of My Homelessness #4

Before I go into this subject matter, I MUST be very clear that the people I am indirectly referring to in this posting probably would not be reading this post.  In addition, since this is a very small amount of people that I am referring to, it in NO way reflects on the many people that work with me and my business.  I have worked extremely hard with my authors and artist to build a relationship that I pray that it is long lasting and I sincerely hope becomes profitable for all of them on their individual projects and as owners of Creative House Press.  Now with that being said, I must outline the fourth of five reasons why I am currently homeless.

The human Ego is a very treacherous thing that pushes us to become the best at many things on many levels.  But, it is that Ego that has lead us to become so self absorbed and to only think of ourselves.

I work with a variety of people from a wide range of backgrounds, sexuality, creativeness, etc.  Each one has a dream to create something and then to share it with the world.  It is my job to take that item and to help create it in a form that can be shared with others.  I work with a variety of people to help create that item.  The most important aspect is that I work with the artist or author to create their work.  It is that working relationship that sets me apart from traditional publishing houses, especially since I don’t charge for that service.  I know how critical it is for them to be a part of the journey.  So when I work with an author or an artist that begins o dictate to me every little detail of the project, regardless of what I know will or will not work, I find it a bit frustrating.  When I remind them that they are not paying me, usually they get the message and re-group how they are approaching the project.

What really gets me is when you are working on a project and the author or artist does not give their input or ideas, not because they don’t have any to give, but because they don’t want to spend the time or energy to create the perfect book.  Instead, they lead you along making you think everything is perfect when it is not.  They don’t promote their book and in fact will talk bad about it, but fail to advise the publisher of what’s wrong.  They don’t have the time or energy.  Ok, I’m confused.  You have the time and energy to talk bad about your book, but not the time or energy to let the publisher know there are issues.  How can the publisher fix anything if they are unaware of any issues.  In fact, the author or artist approved the book, so why would there be issues.  This happened with two books which caused me to lose thousands of dollars in sales.  The only way I found out about there being issues was when I confronted the author or artist about the lack of promotion.  Then the truth came out, but by then the damage was done to the book and to my company.

The other aspect I love is when an author or artist is extremely late in delivering their book.  Then once delivered, makes changes after it’s gone to press, not once, but several times.  These constant changing costs a lot of money to re-set and re-load the book to the printers and to the eBook system.  In addition, the delays cut into a sales period or cause it to be delayed by months or years.  When projections are made for sales and expenditures based on a book being available, it creates chaos and financial disaster when that book is delayed.  This too has happened to me on a few occasions which caused me to lose thousands in sales.

Finally, as I briefly mentioned earlier, there is that one or two authors who Ego’s are so huge that they choose to ignore you and do as they please with absolutely no regard as to what it may cost the publisher.  This too has cost me to lose sales income.

Between the three items mentioned above, I have determined that I lost over $50,000 in sales and $15,000 in cash.  For my small business, that’s huge.  It is large enough of a lost that I seriously have to determine a way to recover that, either through a law suit, or personal arrangements with the author or artist.  As you can guess, personal settlement is not happening, thus leaving me to file a law suit.  Lucky for them, I’m so broke; I can’t afford to hire a lawyer.  So the rich get richer and the poorer get poorer.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-8-11 Occupy

Last night I attended another General Assembly meeting here in Austin. The attendance is smaller, but the commitment is just as strong.  While at the meeting, I once again saw the lack of movement and direction hurt the organization.  Case in point; No Spokesperson representing the group.

I understand that by having one or two people officially represent the group, they can be targeted by the police and the haters.  But by not having one or two spokespeople, the group misses out on delivering a clearer message of what the movement is about.  At the same time, Occupy misses out on the opportunity to communicate with the city personal and the press in a very clear way.

While there are a number of issues that Occupy wants to address, there is no reason that a spokesperson from that committee cannot exist and even rotate from with the committee.  Even a spokesperson to represent the group as a whole can and should exist.  Even they could do short terms by rotating with others to avoid the issues of “Who’s in charge.”

It is the fact of not having anyone person speaks for the group that is hurting it now.  I had posted about the fact of the press not properly giving credit for the bank transfers and last night I saw how the city and police were using the press against Occupy Austin.  If there was a spokesperson, they could have immediately responded to these issues and have them corrected.  But that will not happen unless Occupy itself begins to use its own failures of not presenting a unified front.

Select people who want and can communicate and that do represent the variety of the group.  Allow them to take on certain issues to represent, or represent the overall core concept and let them rotate as spokespersons.  But to not to this the group as a whole will be making its own coffin.  The negative press or lack of good press will destroy the movement.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-8-11 Causes of my Homelessness

In my earlier postings I mentioned that there were five main issues that brought me to this point in my life.  So far, I have discussed Politics, Criminal Record and the inability to find a job.  Now it’s time for to get a little personal.

I am not a very patient person on a lot of levels and this has clearly caused me to push many things along.  That in of itself can be good and bad.

The good aspect is that I keep things moving along through deadlines, goal setting, etc.  When I set those deadlines, I do expect them to be met and I therefore plan accordingly for sales revenue or expenditures to be reached.  At first, I didn’t have much space in my deadlines for things to happen and that cost me dearly on many levels.  I have since eased back a bit and built in extra time for emergency or failures to deliver.

The bad side of being impatient is pushing things along a bit too fast and too hard.  While things do get done, I have actually wasted money by not going slower and in some cases double checked the work, wither mine or someone else’s.

On the issue of being impatient, I have grown tremendously.  I do plan for things to happen down the road, but I allow for more time to make it happen.  It does not always save me from losing money, as this Holiday season has already proven.  But, I at least have not lost as much money as I would have, if I had pushed through it.  It should be noted that the lost of money for Holiday 2011 rest squarely on the fact of not having the funds to do the project completely.

Here is another issue that can be both positive and negative that has contributed to my current situation.  My lack of concern as to what people think of me.  For the positive aspect, I tell people what I think good or bad.  I DO NOT sugar coat it, or dress it up.  It is blunt.  While, blunt, I am of a loving nature, so I don’t always say things out o hatred or anger, though I have been pushed to that point by a small number of people.  So while I am blunt, I don’t believe that I am rude and crude.  With that said, this again can go both ways.

On the positive side, people know what to expect from me and that will be blunt honesty.  And while that may be shocking to them, they do appreciate it.

For the negative aspect, there are a lot of people whose feelings are too raw and they cannot handle the bluntness, the honesty of what I say. They do need to have it sugar coated.  I apologies to them, but I am not your therapist and I don’t have time to waste trying to figure out who can and cannot handle me.  Furthermore, I am not going to waste your time and mine by dancing around the subject.  Your time is as valuable as mine, why waste it?

I have no doubt people will have a lot of other comments to say about me, I really don’t care.  I’ve learned the hard way, you will always have the “Haters” and their thoughts are usually self-absorbed concepts full of BS.  This is why I don’t care what people think of me.

Now, I will be clear here that I am not a saint and I have harmed people, some intentionally, most by accident.  I have just as equally contributed to my situation as the other four aspects have.  No one single attribute carry’s all the weight and responsibility for my homelessness.  But, it is also clear, that altering and improving one or two would clearly address, if not correct my situation.  Time will tell if that happens.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-7-11 Occupy

On Saturday, Nov. 5^th, the Occupy Movement along with a young lady created the National Fire Your Bank Day.  I went to the march to show my support but was shocked by the low attendance.  I had expected to see much more especially considering the large press coverage that the movement was getting.  I could not stay, as the homeless event I needed to attend was also scheduled at the same time.  I see this, as the beginning of the end for the movement if things do not continue to change.

To that aspect, I continue to meet and talk with a variety of people, who like myself, feel that the Occupy movement must change and grow.  Their time and power is getting smaller and smaller as demonstrated by the lack of participants and by the fact that the national press is giving more credit to two individuals then to the movement.

It should be noted that based on the couple of national news stations I had watched over the weekend, $4.5 billion dollars has been moved out of the top banks over the past month.  A 164% increase in membership to Credit Unions was seen in the month of October as well.  This huge increase in membership is more than Credit Unions do for a whole year.  This is not because of one or two individuals, but because of a huge movement!   It is this lack of press coverage that is also killing the movement.  Occupy needs to jump on that issue and make it clear, that everyone involved, including those two young women, and the movement made this happen.  Banks are aware of the movement, but it seems Occupy is not.

So, on Election Day Nov 8^th, I hope to be able to encourage some type of political action to begin here in Austin, and I hope other cities take charge and begin to form their own political wings as well.  Occupy cannot fail now, and cannot lose the momentum that had started.  Anger has Occupied the movement and must now move in a healthy direction.

11-3-11 Quite Your Bank Day

I have posted before about eh Occupy movements national day for switching your bank on Nov. 5^th.  Here is a poster that you can save and print out to pass out to your friends.  This is a national event, as it also needs to be worldwide.  Big banks cannot continue to treat us as they do and they only way to them to stop is to lose a great deal of money.  And no, it will not cause them to go bankrupt, and their statements of having to fire and layoff it’s employees is set off by the fact that the Credit Unions and smaller banks will hire those people.  Bottom line, they know what can happen and they are scarred that American’s will wake up and actually teach them a lesson.

Life goes on…I go on