Another Homeless Person Bites the Dust

I was sitting in my storage unit working away on my business when property manager walked up to say hi.  He has done this from time to time and we have had congeal conversations at times, nothing major, just friendly talks. 

He started this conversation just as friendly as usual and then casually went into the fact that he had to kick someone out today because they were living in their storage unit.  As the conversation progressed, it was clear that someone had called the City building inspectors to complain about the two women that were in the unit.  He had his suspicions, but was really sure and really was not going to push the issue.  None the less, the city came out and they opened the unit and saw that a bed roll had been laid out, and signs of sleeping were evident.  He had no choice but to put them out on the street.

During the entire conversation I was doing my best to act surprised about the situation and at the same time, non-chalet about it.  While in the back of my mind, I was freaking out.  I don’t know if they pissed someone off and that’s why someone called them or what happened.  But it happened, which means it could happen to me just as easily.  The people around me have seen me in my unit working on my pc and so far nothing else.  But what will it take, someone getting pissed at me for any reason at all and calling the place to rat on me?  An accident on my part?  What? 

Things have to change for me!  I need my own place, or to rent a place, but that takes money, money that I don’t have.  Again, every penny goes into my business to keep it going.  While things look to be improving, it’s not good enough yet to get me back to where I was. 

The frustration continues.

Life goes on…I go on.

Romantic Frustration

Being homeless just plain and simply put, SUCKS! For the past few months I have meet a lot of people who have wanted to get to know me on an intimate level and yet I really can't allow that to a point. First off, I don't share with many people that I am homeless, it's not something you really want to brag about. Secondly, as I have mentioned before in these postings, it's not like I can invite someone back to my storage unit for dinner, a romp in the hey, or anything. Thus, I have consciously set up road blocks to keep people at a distance and I hate it. I feel almost like I am lying to people.

SXSW was a perfect example of that. I had meet three people that I found interesting and attractive, and I could not tell any of them what my situation was, other then I had a roommate and the two of us agreed to not bring people home. Thus, for various reasons they couldn't invite me back to their place, so the opportunity to spend time with them and to get to know them was pretty much lost.

After one of them left town, I did send them my blog information and I never heard back from them again. I did try contacting them in general and not about the blog, still no response. Granted that is typical of out of towners, you don't usually develop much more after they leave town, but still, it is frustrating to share that part of your life only to be rejected.

As for the local's, its worst. You can see them on a more regular basis, and I do want to get to know people, but again...that aspect that I can't or don't want to tell them for fear of losing an opportunity to know someone, etc.

There have been rare occasions that I have meet someone and they fully understood my situation and still continue to be friends, and even offered limited help. I am truly grateful for them and I look forward to developing a friendship with.

But as for a love life, a companion of sorts, I am not seeing that and it is frustrating and disappointing!

Life goes on...I go on.

Part Time Work

Over the winter I was able to work for tips at a bar doing coat check. It was not much, averaging around $20 per night, with about 3 nights per week, but it was something and I was grateful for it. It did help pay some bills and that was important.

At the end of our winter, I was asked to help out during a huge event here in town known as SXSW, South By South West. The money I had hoped to make did not happen, but again, I did make some money and that is important. It helped pay for some bills and keep me going.

Computers...

Recently, an acquaintance of mine had found out about my situation and thought he would do something to help out. He travels on the weekends about 1 weekend a month, some times more, being gone about 4 days each time. He has a dog and puts him into a kennel while he is gone. He asked me to house sit for him and watch over the dog. I was more then glad to help. He offered to pay me for it as well. I at first told him that payment was not necessary as the gift of sleeping in a bed, having access to a freg and a bath tub was payment enough. But, he insisted that I take it or not do it. I know better then to refuse a gift from the Universe so I didn't argue the point. Glad I didn't...lol.

When we met to review things, we talked about what has been going on and what I need to help make things better. I told him that other then cash, a laptop would help greatly. He suggested helping me out with that in exchange for house sitting. I ended up with a new laptop that day...YEAH! And it has been very helpful to have it. I feel that I can once again accomplish getting work done that I have been so far behind in.

Homeless Update

It's been nearly two months since I last posted anything on here. A lot has been going on so I will try and catch you up in small segments.

Storage Unit...It appears that a few other people have been living in their storage units at my complex, but they have also been discovered and kicked out. I continue to watch my self and try my best to keep my time there limited to the off hours, but not always easy to do as business continues to move forward and I do need to get into the unit durring the day at times.

My routine at the unit is as follows: I am up and out of there by 8:30 AM to avoid the staff coming to work by 9 AM. I head to the gym to work out and shower and to this day, that was one of my best moves I made when this happened. The gym is just about a ¼ mile away, so I can easly walk to it. Once done, I then return to the unit without my gym bag as I leave it at the gym for later.

At the unit, I then collect my backpack and head out to use a computer and to just be out of there. I try not to come back until 3 to drop off the backpack and then to head back to the gym to kill some more time. I will come back to the unit by 5 and chill out until 6 when they leave. Usually, I will walk up to the grocery store and get something to eat that I can cook in my microwave. This time killer helps as usually I can streatch it out till 6 pm or later, their quitting time.

Once back in, I can then use my main PC to do some work which is not always easy. I am usually so tired of walking around...trying to be gone from their...that all I want to do is relax and get some sleep so I can start my day all over again.

Sunday is the only day that the staff is not there, and that is when I try to accomplish more, especially taking my laundry to get washed at the laundriet near by. I still empty out my piss jug about every other day late at night when I hope no one is around. Don't need to be caught doing that and trying to explain it.

That's pretty much the basics of my routine that I have settled into.

Wishing you a Wonderful New Year

 2012 is now upon us and depending on who you listen to, 2012 will be our last year of existence as we know it.   The Mayan’s whose calendar system has been the most accurate in history simply says that on December 21, 2012 their calendar cycle ends and a new one begins.  I am leaning towards that line of thought.

Each New Years day begins a year full of opportunity and hope and this one is no different.  We are going through many changes and challenges as seen in 2011.  Do your best to keep fear at bay so you can enjoy all the wonders this New Year will offer you, even when it seems to be your darkest hour.  Allow your hope, faith and love to guide you this year through your journey.

While you may not know where your journey is taking you, know that there is a purpose for the journey and know without a doubt you will be a better person for it.

May you and your loved ones all have a Wonderful Life in 2012.

Eyeglasses & Judgement

Recently I was able to get my new eyeglasses and what a challenge that was.  I first had to go through the medical department for a full exam before they would qualify me for the eyewear.  Once qualified, I then had to go through the eye doctor for a prescription, which is always good to do.  Prescriptions should be done at least once a year, especially for my age group.  Up to this point, everything went smooth and pleasant.

Once I had my new prescription, I went to a retailer that was on the approved list for accepting the coupon for glasses.  It was here that things became a bit more troublesome.  The coupon was good for $65.00 worth of eyewear.  Thus, very cheap glasses were all I could get.  Anything over ten dollars I would have to pay for, ok, that sounds fair.  However, it was the additional charges that they didn’t tell you about.  For example, the fact I had to have bifocals added $5.00, and then add in the type of prescription I had was another $10.  If I wanted a warranty, no line bifocals, plastic thinner lenses, etc., it kept adding up.  By the time they were done with all the extras, the glasses would have cost me the same as if I was paying for them myself, over $300.  What was the point of the coupon?

But that was only part of the issue.  It was how I was treated that really bothered me.  I get the fact everyone wants to make money, so the extra charges and hidden fees I understood, though I did not like them.  It was the change in attitude that I got when I showed them my coupon.  From being nice and friendly to cold and rude in the flash of an eyelid.  I was amazed by this clear act of judgment and dislike towards me because I needed some financial help with my eyewear.  It was clear that I did not look, act or smell homeless, so their nice person treatment at first was understandable.  I was a customer that was acting like I wanted to spend money.  But once that coupon was shown, I was no longer that customer but some weird thing.

Now before I go any further, I have said before that I am no saint.  I have made quick judgments on my fellow homeless people now and before I was homeless, it’s a natural state we all go through.  Until I understand why they are homeless, I pull out of my mind a thousand thoughts from past experience.  Maybe that was the case with this one sales person, maybe not.  Regardless, the fact remained that someone, even if it was not me, was paying the bill for some eyewear from her store.  A customer should be treated with respect until they give you a reason not to be and even then it’s best to treat them with respect until they have left your business or space.

I left that day defeated for not getting my glasses. I didn’t have the money to pay for any extras at all.  I choose to come back to the store another day when I would hopefully have the money.  Thankfully, my dad sent me some Christmas money that covered a couple of basics that were necessary to have.  I got my new pair of glasses that were sold to me by a different sales lady who was much more helpful and friendly to me then the first.  A total, I spent $54 on a pair of glasses, while the total bill was over $110.  I’m happy to have a new pair of eyewear, especially since my last pair was over 6 years old.  It’s nice to see things more clearly now.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-28-11 Homeless Update

One of my fears that I deal with pretty much on a daily basis at my storage unit is being found out.  The last thing I need is to be discovered that I am living in it.  On Sunday, I had that feeling of anxiety heightened way too high.  As I was working away on my pc doing business items, a person arrived and went to their storage unit.  It was directly across from mine, and my electrical cord was sticking out and plugged into the storage units box.  I was hoping they would be quick to get into their unit and go home, but that was not the case.  They actually had two units, and they were both near mine.  I sat there as quietly as I could waiting for them to leave, but after a good half hour of being on pins and needles, I finally gave in and got ready to leave for my earn that I had planned that afternoon, way too early to do it, but better than sitting there nervous.

I have no clue if one of these unit renters is going to say something to the staff one day; I pray they don’t, but that fear is ever so present these days.  I try as hard as I can to be there after the staff leaves, which sometimes I am surprised to arrive well after I think they should have left only to find them still there. 

The Holidays sales for our books resulted in NO books being sold this past weekend.  It hurts me to see that for I not only receive some money from the sale, but the author’s also don’t receive money and we ALL need the money.  I’m not sure what I can do considering I don’t have the money to advertise the company or the individual books.  I have scheduled a fund raiser book sale at a local bar for a local charity, but I honestly don’t know how that will work out.

In the mean time, I still have manuscripts coming in to me by people who wish to get published, and while I want to continue to move forward, I honestly just don’t know if I should take on any more authors at this time.  It’s that negative feeling that keeps working its way into my mind and I get so frustrated with it, but I just don’t see a clear way to getting out of my current situation and to move the company safely forward.

It was great to see that Holidays sales in general were way above expectations across America, but I am also concerned at how the sales will finish out.  I believe so many people thought they were getting great deals on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, that when the dust settles down in early January, they will see that the Holiday sales were not what they expected.  Again, it’s that negative side of my brain popping up…HELP!

Life goes on…I go on

11-23-11 Homeless Update

I turned 51 on Sunday and it was one of my toughest birthdays that I had to experience in a very long time.

I have a very small group of friends who really don’t know when my birthday is and I do prefer it that way.  It’s just another day to me as is Christmas.  A day of celebration that should be celebrated daily and not just on one day.

And yet, for some reason, this birthday seemed to hit me the hardest and I have not completely figured out why.  Maybe it is the fact that I am homeless, or the feeling of failure in how my business is currently situated, or just the fact that I am now over 50.

I’m sure that I will figure it out over time.  Until then, the Holiday season is here and I do intended to enjoy it.

On Tuesday, I joined thousands of others to celebrate Thanksgiving at the annual HEB Fest of Giving.  It was a traditional Thanksgiving dinner and it was enjoyable for what it was.  Live music and other activities also made it festive.  For myself and other homeless people, it was a pleasant event.  For the other thousands who choose to attend for they felt that as a customer of HEB that it was owed to them, they also enjoyed it.

As for Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, I have actually turned down a couple of invitations to dinner so that I may attend a ‘bar dinner’ and bring some treats to go with the evening.  This is something I have been doing for a long time now.  This is one of the aspects of being a homosexual that I do support; other gays and lesbians joining together to enjoy a Holiday because their family and society has kicked them to the curb.  This tradition of a ‘bar dinner’ has gone back for 30 years that I know of and I am sure many more than that.  Too many from the LeTs Bi Gay community are stilled turned away from their family and thus they create a new family that includes people like themselves.  After all, you may be born into a family of people you don’t like, but you are always free to create a family of people you do enjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and may you enjoy your family no matter whom’s a part of it.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-19-11 Homeless Update

Howdy, it's been a busy week but productive and that is always good.  We are in full swing of the Holiday season for the business, and sales are slowly picking up...Thank you!

Last Monday, Nov. 14, I was interviewed for the UT School of Journalism by a Mr. Erick Weiss.  We had previously talked before about Occupy Austin, but this time around it was about me being homeless.  You can see the short story at: http://journalism.utexas.edu/texasnewswatch, it starts about 2 min 30 sec into the show.  I sincerely hope this helps in some way to bring awareness to the fact that there are thousands of people if not millions, like myself going through this, and we shouldn't have to.  Things must change for the betterment of all of us, not just for a select few!

Life goes on...I go on

11-11-11 Homeless Update

This posting is going to highlight some updates on what it’s like to be homeless, of course from my perspective.

The weather has definitely changed to the Fall/Winter aspect.  Last night was one of the coldest nights so far reaching in the mid 20’s, with freeze warnings in most areas.  I was lucky enough not to be out in the cold.  The storage unit did get cold as I did wake up a couple of times shivering, but it was still warmer then outside and I am grateful for that.

A few days ago, my body was out of whack which put me in a very uncomfortable situation.  While I was in my storage unit, I had to relieve myself, otherwise known as taking a crap.  I could not get dressed and go somewhere as at that time of night there was nowhere to go.  I had been so careful to utilize places as best as I could to avoid this situation, but for that particular night, Mother Nature was not going to wait.

Trying so desperately to win mind over body, I really tried to post pond the action needed, that was not to be.  I found myself grabbing a plastic shopping bag, opening it as wide as I could, squatted over it and prayed that what came out would be hard versus supper soft (diarrhea).  Luckily, it was hard and it did fall into the bag.

My facial expressions clearly showed that I was not a happy camper about this.  Which as I think of camping; taking a crap in the wilderness you can simply find a spot, squat, cover it up and be on your way.   For those softies, they may have even brought some form of toilet paper with them.  That’s not the same when you are in a storage unit.  The fear of it not going into the bag and having to clean it up is bad enough.  The fear of it being diarrhea is also bad. Along with the aspect of cleaning your ass!  Thankfully, I did have some noise tissue around, so that helped a lot.  The aspect of doing it and then stuck with it for hours before being able to dispose of it is worst.  What if it had truly stunk?  I’d be forced to smell it for hours.  God forbid someone walks by the storage unit and smells it?  I’m in an inside unit, so the smell would spread throughout the building.  I’d be found out real quick and that would really be bad for me.

Luckily my shit didn’t stink this time.  I tied off the bag as best I could then set it by the door to remove it the next morning.  The next issue was where to dispose of it.  Thankfully, I walk along a street where buses run.  A few garbage cans are at the bus stops.  Hopefully they will pick up the trash before the sun bakes it and runs people off from the bus stop due to the smell.  I am grateful to not have smelled anything when I walked by that stop later in the day or the next.  I know the city workers are use to diapers being disposed of in these cans, so I don’t feel too bad about where I disposed of it.

This event though reminds me that I’m in better shape than most homeless people, but boy do I miss the use of a home bathroom for this and other reasons.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-10-11 - Negative Energy

Has I have been dealing with the financial downfall of this year, I have constantly fought with the negative energy that exist.  Most of the time I am able to overcome it with hard work and determination.  However, since becoming homeless I find the struggle to be even harder each day.  In fact, I feel my positive thoughts have dwindled to half of what they had been a month ago.

I believe that a lot of this is related to three items.  #1 – not having access to my PC and the internet as I had when I had a home.  I worked out of my house, so my line of communication was always open to my authors and artist.  I was able to work quickly and efficiently on projects and do marketing on social networks as needed.  That is not the case now.  I am limited to a maximum of 2 hours on a library PC with increments of no more than 1 hour each.  Thus, when I do get on a PC, I don’t have a lot of time to do what is needed.  I tend to miss things, which is not always good.

#2 – the lack of business growth and sales.  The continued stagnation of the bad economy keeps my business at a virtual standstill, which means zilch, nada, no sales.  This at the beginning of the Holiday sales season is not good.  I have books that need to be sold and no money to help promote them.  A vicious cycle that continues to keep me in the hole of negativity.

#3 – People that I am surrounded by are not always positive.  Homeless people in general are so exhausted and torn down by what brought them to their point of homelessness that they give up on life in general.  I understand that and see myself heading in that direction.  Thus the reason for this posting.

I DO NOT want to be one of those angry, negative people who bitch about everything and ultimately become one of those men who have lost their minds and walk the streets talking to themselves who have reached the point of no return.

It is clear that for myself, I must stay positive in all aspects of my life.  I have posted before on here about the value of staying positive and drawing positive energy to one self.  It’s not always easy.  You do have to live life and that means dealing with negative thoughts and energies.  In some cases, such as my current one, the people I am forced to be around are constantly and almost helplessly in a state of negativity.

Yesterday afternoon, I went to get some medical assistance, while waiting in line, a young lady who had been chatting with the other people in line turned to me and asked, “Are you homeless?”  I said yes with no hesitation.  She quickly responded with, “You don’t look homeless.”  I simply said, “That’s my goal.  To not look like I am homeless.”  The young lady gave me a look of confusion and then turned away as she said, “I want to look homeless, ‘cause I am.”

That response of hers was full of negative energy.  She believed that she had to look like she was homeless.  And at the same time, the tone she used indicated that she felt I was being too good or uppity about my experience.

It comes down to being true to yourself.  You may be homeless physically, but spiritually you are not.  You may be physically in a prison of drugs or alcohol, or even of cement and brinks, but spiritually you are not.

So has I deal with the constant borage of negative energy, I have chosen to say a mantra, a prayer, or a simple “Thank you,” for what good is in my life.  To be honest, I probably don’t say it enough.  Thus, I write here and now that I AM THANKFUL for EVERYTHING in my life.  I am grateful for the opportunity to grow, even when I don’t show it!!

Life goes on…I go on.

11-8-11 Occupy

Last night I attended another General Assembly meeting here in Austin. The attendance is smaller, but the commitment is just as strong.  While at the meeting, I once again saw the lack of movement and direction hurt the organization.  Case in point; No Spokesperson representing the group.

I understand that by having one or two people officially represent the group, they can be targeted by the police and the haters.  But by not having one or two spokespeople, the group misses out on delivering a clearer message of what the movement is about.  At the same time, Occupy misses out on the opportunity to communicate with the city personal and the press in a very clear way.

While there are a number of issues that Occupy wants to address, there is no reason that a spokesperson from that committee cannot exist and even rotate from with the committee.  Even a spokesperson to represent the group as a whole can and should exist.  Even they could do short terms by rotating with others to avoid the issues of “Who’s in charge.”

It is the fact of not having anyone person speaks for the group that is hurting it now.  I had posted about the fact of the press not properly giving credit for the bank transfers and last night I saw how the city and police were using the press against Occupy Austin.  If there was a spokesperson, they could have immediately responded to these issues and have them corrected.  But that will not happen unless Occupy itself begins to use its own failures of not presenting a unified front.

Select people who want and can communicate and that do represent the variety of the group.  Allow them to take on certain issues to represent, or represent the overall core concept and let them rotate as spokespersons.  But to not to this the group as a whole will be making its own coffin.  The negative press or lack of good press will destroy the movement.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-8-11 Causes of my Homelessness

In my earlier postings I mentioned that there were five main issues that brought me to this point in my life.  So far, I have discussed Politics, Criminal Record and the inability to find a job.  Now it’s time for to get a little personal.

I am not a very patient person on a lot of levels and this has clearly caused me to push many things along.  That in of itself can be good and bad.

The good aspect is that I keep things moving along through deadlines, goal setting, etc.  When I set those deadlines, I do expect them to be met and I therefore plan accordingly for sales revenue or expenditures to be reached.  At first, I didn’t have much space in my deadlines for things to happen and that cost me dearly on many levels.  I have since eased back a bit and built in extra time for emergency or failures to deliver.

The bad side of being impatient is pushing things along a bit too fast and too hard.  While things do get done, I have actually wasted money by not going slower and in some cases double checked the work, wither mine or someone else’s.

On the issue of being impatient, I have grown tremendously.  I do plan for things to happen down the road, but I allow for more time to make it happen.  It does not always save me from losing money, as this Holiday season has already proven.  But, I at least have not lost as much money as I would have, if I had pushed through it.  It should be noted that the lost of money for Holiday 2011 rest squarely on the fact of not having the funds to do the project completely.

Here is another issue that can be both positive and negative that has contributed to my current situation.  My lack of concern as to what people think of me.  For the positive aspect, I tell people what I think good or bad.  I DO NOT sugar coat it, or dress it up.  It is blunt.  While, blunt, I am of a loving nature, so I don’t always say things out o hatred or anger, though I have been pushed to that point by a small number of people.  So while I am blunt, I don’t believe that I am rude and crude.  With that said, this again can go both ways.

On the positive side, people know what to expect from me and that will be blunt honesty.  And while that may be shocking to them, they do appreciate it.

For the negative aspect, there are a lot of people whose feelings are too raw and they cannot handle the bluntness, the honesty of what I say. They do need to have it sugar coated.  I apologies to them, but I am not your therapist and I don’t have time to waste trying to figure out who can and cannot handle me.  Furthermore, I am not going to waste your time and mine by dancing around the subject.  Your time is as valuable as mine, why waste it?

I have no doubt people will have a lot of other comments to say about me, I really don’t care.  I’ve learned the hard way, you will always have the “Haters” and their thoughts are usually self-absorbed concepts full of BS.  This is why I don’t care what people think of me.

Now, I will be clear here that I am not a saint and I have harmed people, some intentionally, most by accident.  I have just as equally contributed to my situation as the other four aspects have.  No one single attribute carry’s all the weight and responsibility for my homelessness.  But, it is also clear, that altering and improving one or two would clearly address, if not correct my situation.  Time will tell if that happens.

Life goes on…I go on.

11-3-11 Positive Thoughts

Yesterday afternoon I was treated to lunch by a friend of mine.  We have met for lunch about every other month for the past year and half.  On most occasions we inspire each other with positive thoughts and discussions.  It was clear that both of us needed to have a good positive conversation yesterday.

Both of us are feeling the weight of the economic crises and our seeming inability to get about it for the past few months.

As we talked about our various projects, issues and love life, we also correlated how the world is staying just as stuck as we are.  Everyone is bombarded by negative talk and news.  It was clear that as it was for us, it was just as important, if not more important to have and do positive things to offset the negative energy.

This concept is nothing new to the Universe.  On a spiritual level it has been taught and demonstrated many times over.  And yet, we seem to continue to struggle with finding that balance that we all so desperately need and want.

By the end of lunch, which as usual lasted three hours, we both had agreed to do a project or two that would get a positive message out to the world about the new cycle of life that the Mayan’s predicted with the end of their calendar.  Actually, the Mayan’s predicted the end of their calendar which too many humans predict is the end of the world as we know it.

Many people are also on the same thought process as my friend and I are that it is not the end of the world, but the end of a way of life that clearly does not serve the best interest of mankind; mainly Greed and Self Absorption.  Thus, we will work on projects that we can create quickly and professionally to get out to as many people as we possibly can; namely books.

There are thousands of people also working on this project, for my friend and I know that the Universe puts out a message for the world, for everyone to hear, and only so many people do actually hear it and do something with it.  This can be in the form of gadgets, stories, movies, etc.  Thus why you see people from around the world working on a similar idea at the same time, and they never spoke to another person about it.  It is the same with this idea, the world needs to know that the old ways must stop and a new way of life must begin, after all, if the old way was working, we wouldn’t been in the mess that we are now, or the fact that we have been in this mess a thousand times before.

Wither the Mayan’s have it right that the world ends, or a new cycle begins, it is clear that all the doom and gloom that does exist, must be offset with positive messages.  It is our hope that we can offer ideas and concepts that show just that.  Is this why the two of us and so many others are going through this time of crisis?  Time will tell.  Stay tune and see what happens in the near future.

Life goes on…I go on.

8-31-11 Love

On Saturday I had the pleasure of attending a Halloween party.  During the event, I was flirted with by many people, as I also flirted.  It was a lot of fun and it was good for my ego.  However, there was one person that I had flirted with previously that said they would call, and had previously mentioned that they were in the middle of mid-terms.  I had posted about this person and another one previously.

Today, I post that I am still confused with some people.  This person was all over me that evening, and we said and did things that were fun.  I, however, was also very clear with what my feelings are for this person, and while they seem to reciprocate, it also seemed later after not hearing from them, that they are all talk and no action.  This really sucks!  We all put ourselves out there at some time, and most of the time, it does not work.  But, why can’t people be honest with themselves and others?

I am at the point that I really can’t date anyone, as I had mentioned before, I can’t really see myself inviting someone back to my storage unit for a sleep over, or dinner.  Plus, the money is not there.  Let’s face it; it’s not cheap to date these days…lol.

But, at the same time, I want to be clear about my feelings, so that if they are interested in some extent, then they will either work with it, or if they are not interested, then say no.  But to act and to say things that lead a person on is just not right.

The other issue is also where I meet people.  Let’s face it; there are not many good healthy places to meet people these days.  Bar’s and friends are about it.  Friends mean well, but they really don’t know you enough to select your future spouse.  Bar’s are about drinking and one night stands more than about meeting your future spouse.  So, you go on with life, and meet people in various places, not sure if you can really flirt with them for you don’t know if they are married, seeing someone, etc.  And then you run into those who want a sexual encounter, but not a romance, that’s another headache all together.

On a spiritual level, yeah, I know, the person that I have chosen to be with will come when we have chosen it to happen.  Until then, I really shouldn’t get frustrated and annoyed, but just enjoy everyone I meet.

Life goes on…I go on.

10-12-11 Day 20

Comfort Zone; we all have it and it is in a variety of ways or places.  It is not a place that I want to be in while homeless.

I finally got most of my stuff moved into my storage unit.  After spending a couple of hours working on it, I had things somewhat organized.  My PC is set up on a make shift desk that is created by my two- two drawer file cabinets.  M7y space to layout my comforter and my digital rabbit ears connected to my monitor so I can watch TV, which is when I can get a signal which is not easy in a building made of steel.  That is now my work space and home, my comfort zone.

I am grateful for this space but I do not want to be in a worst off position or remaining in this current position for long.  I deserve and want to be in a home of my own.  I deserve and want to have my Authors to succeed, which then means that my business will succeed.  I want and deserve a government that is more concerned about its citizens then it is about politics.  Am I asking for too much?

Life goes on…I go on.