Romantic Frustration Continues

Over Easter weekend I was out and about helping some friends at a fundraiser.  During this time, I had the pleasure of meeting a person.  I really had not thought much of it simply because we were both busy doing our thing, but it was clear that we had an attraction to each other.  I gave them my business card and a kiss goodbye as I was leaving the bar and let the thought flow to the back of my mind as ‘that was nice.’

The following Monday I received a text from him.  I was surprised and pleased by the gesture.  We started to chat then and continued on to Thursday, when we decided to meet up for a brief time due to their schedule.  It was a fun brief few minutes.  There are a lot of things I like about the person and I could see myself wanting to learn more about them and to grow into something if it’s meant to be.  However, that nagging thought came back to me.  I’m homeless!

That single thought can truly ruin any hopes for romance of any type.  Do I bother to spend the time to get to know them and to develop something, or do I stop it in its tracks.  Sooner or later I will have to tell them and they will act in one of two ways…freak out and disappear as so many have done, or say it’s cool and remain friends, but nothing else.

I can’t blame them for not wanting to get involved with someone who is homeless. After all, it’s not saying much for who they are.  I mean really, how could someone end up homeless, right?  If you have been reading my blog you know how it happened.  And that’s what the real aspect is, it happened and I am homeless.

What is frustrating for me is that I feel I have to cut myself off from friends and possibly romantic interest because of my situation.  When people don’t know what is going on with me, they are pleasant and kind, acting as if I am a normal person.  Don’t get me wrong, there are a hand full of people who are being supportive and I AM Grateful for them.  It does keep my hopes for human kindness alive.  But, there are those who do act differently because I am in my situation.  I get it, I understand.

Thus, the continuing dilemma: Do I say something now and let it end?  Do I keep going without saying anything in the hopes of something developing, which could then fall apart when they do find out?  Do I act normal as if nothing out of the ordinary is happening?  I do my best to be myself as much as I can and I hope they enjoy me for who I am.  In time we will see what happens.

Life goes on…I go on

Another Homeless Person Bites the Dust

I was sitting in my storage unit working away on my business when property manager walked up to say hi.  He has done this from time to time and we have had congeal conversations at times, nothing major, just friendly talks. 

He started this conversation just as friendly as usual and then casually went into the fact that he had to kick someone out today because they were living in their storage unit.  As the conversation progressed, it was clear that someone had called the City building inspectors to complain about the two women that were in the unit.  He had his suspicions, but was really sure and really was not going to push the issue.  None the less, the city came out and they opened the unit and saw that a bed roll had been laid out, and signs of sleeping were evident.  He had no choice but to put them out on the street.

During the entire conversation I was doing my best to act surprised about the situation and at the same time, non-chalet about it.  While in the back of my mind, I was freaking out.  I don’t know if they pissed someone off and that’s why someone called them or what happened.  But it happened, which means it could happen to me just as easily.  The people around me have seen me in my unit working on my pc and so far nothing else.  But what will it take, someone getting pissed at me for any reason at all and calling the place to rat on me?  An accident on my part?  What? 

Things have to change for me!  I need my own place, or to rent a place, but that takes money, money that I don’t have.  Again, every penny goes into my business to keep it going.  While things look to be improving, it’s not good enough yet to get me back to where I was. 

The frustration continues.

Life goes on…I go on.

Greed and Injustice

Ok, I am going to be very upfront and blunt here...this message is a pure vent!  Thus, it may not make a lot of sense, but I have to express my thoughts.

I left court about an hour ago and I am pissed that the court was so disrespectful towards me and my company.  I had submitted a request for a continuance so that I could raise the money to hire an attorney to represent me and the judge totally ignored it saying that I was not on the lawsuit, regardless of the fact that I am the major owner of the company and that I signed the promissory note for Ginny's Printing.

It was clear that the judge just didn't give a shit!  He was siding with companies left and right during the hearings with no regard for the individuals that were before him.  I don't know his political affiliation, but I have no doubt based on his actions he was a Republican, and I would go as far as to say that the attorney's that were before him, including the one representing Ginny's Printing have donated to his campaign fund.  Conflict of interest?

Well, with a judgement against my company, I am now forced to figure out if I will close my business down in order to project the interest of everyone involved with my company.   But instead, I need to see how I can save my company, and save the vested interest of every person who works with me.

It was clear that I am not an attorney, and the fact the judge would not allow me an opportunity to have time to raise money to hire an attorney is pure Bull Shit!  Ginny's is already waiting for money they will not see, so what is another 3 or 6 months wait?  Why couldn't the judge allow me the additional time to save my company?  To save my last and only income that I have left? 

Once again, the rich get richer and the poorer get poorer....

Life goes on...I MUST GO ON!

Law Suites = Greed

Last year when faced with a variety of financial losses and pending law suites, I felt it was best for myself and for my company if I filled bankruptcy.  In so doing, I listed just about every debit I could find and remember, from personal to business.  During the process, everyone who was listed had an opportunity to appear in court, or to send letters, or legal documents to the courts to alter or change, and even possibly stop the bankruptcy from proceeding and yet no one did.

Instead, two attorneys who are simply doing this out of their own greed and not for their clients best interest are actually suing me in court.  What I believed to have been dealt with in Bankruptcy according to them has not.  Now I have to figure out how to raise money to pay for an attorney to represent me and to stop these useless cases from going forward.  This is money that I don't have, and if I did have any to hire an attorney, I would have them suing the companies that put me in this mess to begin with.

Once again, this shows that if you have money, you will make money at other peoples expense and keep others pinned down to the ground so they can not get up and fight back. Both companies, Ginny's Printing who printed poor quality books and the University of Texas Co-Op are being represented by attorney's that are only interested in billing their clients and making money for themselves, not for the best interest of their clients.  Both companies received tax credits for the bankruptcy, so they can actually use those credits for more then the debit, and yet, their attorney's want to sue me for the debit.

If they win the law suites, I will not be able to pay them, which is already clear as I am barely hanging on now as it is.  If they win, I will have to consider the reality of being forced to close my business.  That means because of an attorney's greed, hundreds of peoples dreams will be shut down and most likely lost for ever. Where is the humanity in that? Where is the true best interest for the companies who are suing me?  Greed...you have got to love it when someone can be so calouse and cold to not care about anyone but themselves!

Life goes on...I try to keep going on.

Romantic Frustration

Being homeless just plain and simply put, SUCKS! For the past few months I have meet a lot of people who have wanted to get to know me on an intimate level and yet I really can't allow that to a point. First off, I don't share with many people that I am homeless, it's not something you really want to brag about. Secondly, as I have mentioned before in these postings, it's not like I can invite someone back to my storage unit for dinner, a romp in the hey, or anything. Thus, I have consciously set up road blocks to keep people at a distance and I hate it. I feel almost like I am lying to people.

SXSW was a perfect example of that. I had meet three people that I found interesting and attractive, and I could not tell any of them what my situation was, other then I had a roommate and the two of us agreed to not bring people home. Thus, for various reasons they couldn't invite me back to their place, so the opportunity to spend time with them and to get to know them was pretty much lost.

After one of them left town, I did send them my blog information and I never heard back from them again. I did try contacting them in general and not about the blog, still no response. Granted that is typical of out of towners, you don't usually develop much more after they leave town, but still, it is frustrating to share that part of your life only to be rejected.

As for the local's, its worst. You can see them on a more regular basis, and I do want to get to know people, but again...that aspect that I can't or don't want to tell them for fear of losing an opportunity to know someone, etc.

There have been rare occasions that I have meet someone and they fully understood my situation and still continue to be friends, and even offered limited help. I am truly grateful for them and I look forward to developing a friendship with.

But as for a love life, a companion of sorts, I am not seeing that and it is frustrating and disappointing!

Life goes on...I go on.

Part Time Work

Over the winter I was able to work for tips at a bar doing coat check. It was not much, averaging around $20 per night, with about 3 nights per week, but it was something and I was grateful for it. It did help pay some bills and that was important.

At the end of our winter, I was asked to help out during a huge event here in town known as SXSW, South By South West. The money I had hoped to make did not happen, but again, I did make some money and that is important. It helped pay for some bills and keep me going.

Computers...

Recently, an acquaintance of mine had found out about my situation and thought he would do something to help out. He travels on the weekends about 1 weekend a month, some times more, being gone about 4 days each time. He has a dog and puts him into a kennel while he is gone. He asked me to house sit for him and watch over the dog. I was more then glad to help. He offered to pay me for it as well. I at first told him that payment was not necessary as the gift of sleeping in a bed, having access to a freg and a bath tub was payment enough. But, he insisted that I take it or not do it. I know better then to refuse a gift from the Universe so I didn't argue the point. Glad I didn't...lol.

When we met to review things, we talked about what has been going on and what I need to help make things better. I told him that other then cash, a laptop would help greatly. He suggested helping me out with that in exchange for house sitting. I ended up with a new laptop that day...YEAH! And it has been very helpful to have it. I feel that I can once again accomplish getting work done that I have been so far behind in.